Incidentally, Rocky's other nickname is Boston. I do believe you will be getting a letter from Rob Mariano's lawyer for violating copyright of the "Boston" name, Mr Rocky.

Eventually, the castaways finished their mansion. But this is 'Survivor'! Surely, Jeff had some cruel twist up his sleeve. And he did. He finally showed up to divide them into tribes and gave them the happy news — one of the tribes would move out of their spanking new shelter and have to survive on some other beach with only a pot and a machete. I knew I could rely on your casual sadism, Jeff.

As official Bossy Boots, Sylvia got to choose the tribes, one orange and one green. The greens were named Motorola and the oranges were named Ravioli. Sylvia was then sent to Exile Island for a nice relaxing break with the sea snakes. At least she would have company.

More cool stuff

The remaining castaways had to compete in the first Reward/Immunity Challenge. The winners would get to live in Luxury Camp and get even more cool stuff, including a couch. Why not just give them key cards to the nearest five-star hotel? At least they still don't get toilet paper. The losers would get the pot and the machete, along with a fully paid-for trip to Tribal Council.

The challenge was a chariot-race-cum-puzzle, whips optional. To me, Ravioli looked to be a better tribe, but as soon as the challenge started, I was proven wrong. Each team had to push two of their members on a chariot while picking up puzzle pieces and Ravioli got off to a bad start when one of their charioteers, Jessica, couldn't get the knot untied. Ravioli did manage to catch up but Jessica once again bit it for her team when she couldn't get her part of the puzzle solved. Ruh-roh, that's not a great start.

Motorola skipped back to camp and celebrated their new swag. They even got a beermug. Why? They didn't get any beer surely? Or is there a portable brewery sitting behind that couch?

Clue at the camp

On Exile Island, Sylvia learned Jeff wasn't exaggerating about the snakes. They were everywhere. You'd think sea snakes would stick to the sea. She took comfort in the fact that she's be able to look for the Hidden Immunity Idol, that is until she read the clue that said it was back at camp. Ooh, the beermug is the Hidden Immunity Idol! I just know it.

Ravioli surveyed their new beach. There was no luxury shelter. There was no toilet. There were no hammocks. There was no couch. There wasn't even a mug of any kind, never mind one made specifically for beer.

The tribe managed to hide their disappointment except for Erica, who wondered why no-one was going emo over having to give up that damn toilet. They are, Erica, but their tears are on the inside. Ravioli is the repressed, emotionally-unstable tribe. Just ask Rocky.

Outnumbered

Erica, Jessica and Rocky had formed their own alliance and were sure they would be able to rule the world. Never mind that 3 < 6. Their new alliance got off to a blistering start when the rest of the tribe wanted to vote out Jessica and they couldn't do a thing about it. The world is clearly not your oyster, guys. It's not even your coconut.

Erica and Rocky promised they would not vote for Jessica. They also didn't bother to tell her everyone else would. Jessica was sure she was safe. "I feel good it's not me," she optimistically interviewed. You could almost see the bullseye on her forehead as she said that. Cheers, Jess. No-one can stay on 'Survivor' after a statement like that.

The very first Tribal Council. Jeff queried them on how it was to move from Club Med to Club Dead. "We love it, Jeff! We have a pot!" they lied. Voting time. Jessica voted for Rita, Rocky voted for Mookie and Erica voted for Yau Man. I know it was a throwaway vote but I can’t believe Erica voted for Yau Man. He's the coconut whisperer for god's sake.

Everyone else voted for Jessica. Should've worked on your untying skills, babe. She left with a few words about how getting betrayed in the beginning by people you don't know was better than getting betrayed later on by people you barely know.

Next week: Obscene licking! Human-on-snake violence! Boo's hammock falling down! Only on Fiji's Funniest Home Videos.