Amazing Race returns

Season 12 of The Amazing Race is here and features an interesting assortment of wackos, weirdoes, wankers, and whiners… and that's just Nate and Jen!

The rest of the cast is made up of the best Central Casting/America could offer. Here's a quick reminder:

Azaria/Hendekea: Nerdy siblings. According to the opening credits, they are scientists who make Flubber for a living.

Ronald/Christina: Kinda, sorta estranged father/daughter team. Christina wants to spend as much time with Ron as she can because he's "almost 60". Way to emphasise the fact that your dad’s got one foot in the grave, Chris.

TK/Rachel: Homeless bum and his girlfriend. They are hippies, only not the annoying, fake, fame-whoring kind like some other former TAR contestants.

Shana/Jen: The same kind of interchangeable Hollywood blondes we see every season. Plan on using their looks to get ahead. Good luck with that because they don't have much without their make-up.

Mariana/Julia: Interchangeable brunette sisters. Say they'll use their looks to get ahead. Nevertheless, about 83 percent less annoying than Shana/Jen, possibly because they are made up of 83 percent less silicone, collagen, and bleach.

Kate/Pat: Church ministers of the lesbotronic variety. They are married so all girl-on-girl activities are of the God-approved variety rather than the sinful dirty porn-star variety.

Jason/Lorena: Commitment-phobe and his girlfriend. Jason literally describes himself as having one foot out the door of their relationship. Since TAR is known for bringing together troubled couples, this will undoubtedly end well.

Nicholas/Donald: Airline pilot and his randy, foul-mouthed granddad. The coolest thing about old age is that you're able to abandon all tact whatsoever and people will think it’s cute.

Kynt/Vyxsin: Perky Goths who enjoy frolicking hand-in-hand through graveyards. Imagine Mary Poppins with fewer umbrellas and more black lipstick.

Nate/Jen: Couple working through "trust issues", which actually means "Trust me, those are the least of our issues". Hit approximately Episode 7 level of histrionics within the first half hour of the first episode.

Ari/Staella: Fag and hag. Hedgehog-haired Ari says he tells it like it is, which is code for "I'm a badly-behaved punkass bitch who somehow thinks admitting it makes my crappy behaviour cute." Don't get too attached to them…

With the contestants introduced in fun, bite-sized segments, it was time for Phil to start the semi-annual event of the year: the Running of the Racers. And run the racers did, to their cars where they had to navigate to the airport and pick up any one of three tickets to Shannon, Ireland. Some teams got lost. Some didn't. Among the latter, unfortunately, was the charming duo of Nate and Jen. They took the time to laugh at the people who didn't know where they were going, and referred to the Goths as "the freaks" a couple of times. Raise your hand if, judging from what you've seen from this episode, you'd rather spend time with those freaks than Nate and Jen. Thought so.