Not quite so chummy with the Guidos was Eric, whose own underwear preferences are unknown but probably involve spandex and glitter. Eric and Dani(elle) tried to have a little fun by pretending to pass the uptight Guidos, which pissed them off. Geez, guys, I think Eric is a dumbass but it’s just a silly, very harmless prank. What crawled up your as…oh right, the thongs.

When confronted, Eric behaved like a frat boy jerk and called them freaks. Guidophobe! Dani(elle) diagnosed Bill and Joe as having Bipolar disorder. Thanks, Dr D! Glad to know that psychology degree you got from the College of the Upstairs Spare Room (located just above a Chinese takeaway place) has come in handy. My own Psych degree allows me to diagnose Dani(elle) as an INTP personality type - Irrelevant Nincoompoop Talking Poo.

Satisfyingly, those "freaks" beat his perky-nipped self to the Pit Stop. Eric sulked that a pair of "sissies" had beaten him. Oh, blow it out your bum, you over-preened pea-brain. Those sissies may be prissy but they can beat your ass any time, missy. Besides, we all know you and Jeremy are trading kissies on the side so don't throw a hissy.

Tough as nails and just as pretty

If you were expecting the gay teams to do the nail-polish Detour, then do not collect your $200 and do not pass ‘Go’. I certainly was expecting the Guidos at least to do the 'Pamper' task (yell at me for buying into stereotypes all you want, but c'mon, they use soothing eye pads on planes and unwind by going spray-crazy in perfumers) but they surprised me by taking the coal task. Slightly less surprising was Danny and Ozzy — the same guys who, on their original season, once spent a day shopping — choosing the same Detour.

The going was tough and afterwards, the teams who chose to do the coal looked all the worse for wear. Some had unfortunately placed smudges of coal just above their upper lips which made them look like Hitler. Ozzy told Danny he looked like a faggy raccoon. Then, when he got to the Pit Stop, Ozzy tried to hug Phil, who fled from his coal-covered arms. Poor Phil doesn't do coal. They really should put a sign up: "Please don't harass the Phil".

Coal turned out to be a bad choice because the nail polish task was far quicker. If you've ever been to Mozambique, you'll know how little 30 meticais is and how easy it would be to make it. Charla and Mirna proved to be killer saleswomen — Mirna seduced customers in fluent Mirnese as locals crowded around to get a paint-job from a dwarf. No-one does attention-whoring spectaclequite like these two.

The BQs also thought painting nails would be fun. If it comes in a make-up bag, the Beauty Queens will be experts in it. Showing that ruthlessness they are known for, the BQs tore through customers like tissues before…giving a little girl who couldn't pay a free manicure.

What? What? I don't think I'm down with these new-age, namby pamby, hippie dippy, fuzzy wuzzy, bleeding heart, juicy lucy, Teletubbied, happy clappy versions of the BQs. Where's the edge? Did they at least make the girl promise to lead them to the Pit Stop later and take on any further rat-related tasks?

They did get a second place finish this time, so maybe their hearts growing three sizes will work out for them in the future. However, this was clouded by the fact that they came in behind Charla and Mirna. Oh, the shame! Lord help us all if Charla and Mirna turn out to be the new Rob and Amber.

Next week: Eric and Dani(elle) are thrown off a plane. Are they terrorists now? Will their next leg involve a trip to Gitmo?