By the time 'Beverly Hills, 90210' ended, Luke Perry was 34. When 18-year-old Daniel-son did his final crane kick in 'Karate Kid 3', actor Ralph Macchio was 28. The age-defying results were embarrassing. So why should the New Kids On The Block ? their average age now pushing 40 ? be any different?

Ignoring the fundamental rules laid out in 'Bring The Boyband Back: How To Resurrect Your Careers When The Solo Work And Cash Dry Up' by Backstreet Boys, Boyzone and Take That ? act your age; focus on winning back your original fans ? Jonathan, Jordan, Joey, Donnie and Danny seem incapable of making up their minds. Are they the suave, suited-up gentlemen in the publicity pictures? Are they horny undergrads at R Kelly's school of sleazy R&B? Are they crooners of smooth ballads? Or are they the lip-licking middle-aged letches checking out the 18-year-old girls at the beach party?

By trying to hit on the girls who bought the posters and lunchboxes back in 1988, and now their daughters, NKOTB succeed only in scaring off everybody with their desperation. Trying so hard to be with it, they bring in the likes of Timbaland, Ne-Yo, Polow Da Don, and the Pussycat Dolls, but their cool-by-association approach is undone by the simplistic songs and the tacky production.

The skanky 'Summertime' sounds nothing like the sunny fun it's clearly supposed to be, 'Grown Man' may be an unnecessary reminder that they're no longer kids but is the musical equivalent of seeing your parents make out, and 'Sexify My Love' (what the hell does that even mean?) is like being hit on by Bill (or Hillary) Clinton.

Only the slick 'Big Girl Now', featuring the sensational Lady Ga Ga, gives these boy-men the Botox injection they sorely want. And 'Click Click Click' is as fresh and cool as the five clearly think they are. 'Dirty Dancing' ("She's like Baby, I'm like Swayze," their auto-tuned voices leer) ensures it's only a momentary flash of credibility.

No matter how much they try to hide it, these kids have been around the block way too many times.