"To avoid fainting," the tagline urged," keep repeating: 'It's only a movie? it's only a movie.'"

In 1972, 'The Last House On The Left' traumatised, sickened and angered to such an extent that the producers set up facilities just to repair film reels slashed by offended punters storming projection booths.

No chance of that happening with the inevitable remake. And not just because of the torture porn ? 'Hostel' et al ? that's been puked on the big screen since.

You see, the original is the debut effort of a 30-something English lecturer escaping a strict religious upbringing ? in other words, crude, low budget and barbaric. The 2009 version is by a man who's made over 100 commercials ? in other words, slick, contrived and manipulative.

But it's certainly no gentle stroll through the woods either. With Wes Craven returning as producer to the film that launched his horror career, some of the unflinching gratuity is retained, even if the rudimentary plot is not.

It's all vicious stabbings, horrific beatings, cold, calculated gunshots and a bloody run-in with a garbage disposal system as a group of criminals inflict grievous bodily harm on two teenagers ? and then find themselves at the hands of one of the girls' parents.

As the action shifts by convention from the isolation of a forest ? cue screaming women in skimpy clothing to be whipped by branches as they flee a pursuing assailant ? to the confines of a house ? cue quiet stalking, creaking stairs, window smashing and door demolition ? what's most striking is the over-familiarity.

All that sets it apart ? unfortunately ? is a particularly brutal and unnecessarily lingering rape scene that, with its obvious intention to shock and disturb, could have you repeating "it's only a movie".

From another angle: Zoopy 'On Screen' review