Nic hasn’t exactly been thrilling her fans Down Under, it seems. She arrived in Oz for the MTV Australia Video Music Awards, but kept on the other side of her bodyguards from her adoring public, the poor bastards. So, no autographs for the distraught fans.

“We haven't slept in two days. It's pretty heartbreaking,” one Richie-worshipper reportedly said.

Uh, okay, I guess it would have been nice if she’d stopped to say ‘Hi’ and give an autograph or two, but she’d just had an extremely long flight halfway across the world, and — let’s face it, kids — you’re Nicole Richie fans. I’m thinking you need to find your brains and pop them back into your skulls more than you need her autograph. But, hey, that’s just my opinion.

Heading back over to Britney — it’s rumoured that the newly-rehabbed star is planning a revealing book about her marriage to Kevin Federline.

Sure, who wouldn’t want to open the most private aspect of their life up to incredibly close public scrutiny? But, as a small added inducement, there’s the amount of $10-million (more than R70-million!) being bandied about as the potential pay-off she could get for this little memoir.

Perhaps she could spare a few dollars, then, for Richard Gere, who could face three months in jail or a large fine if convicted of violating India’s strict laws against ‘public obscenity’ for — horror of horrors — theatrically kissing Bollywood star Shilpa Shetty at a movie première. An Indian court has now actually ordered that Gere be arrested! Yes, really. Seriously. Arrested.

And last, but definitely not least, news that Prince (he is called Prince again now, isn’t he?) has gone up in my estimation from an unbearably unlistenable artist to an unbearably unlistenable artist with a sense of humour.

There he was, performing in Las Vegas recently, when he spotted Paris Hilton in the audience. So, he called the indomitable socialite-slash-singer onto the stage and she was, super-surprisingly, up there under the lights in a split second.

Trouble was, Prince then reportedly gave her a mic and quipped to the audience, “Let’s see if she can really sing.” Paris was not amused. She stormed off stage and, soon after, exited the club in question.

Ah, well – better a fit of pique than a hideously embarrassing turn at the mic without benefit of heavy sound mixing work and a loud backing track, eh?

More celeb cringes and triumphs — in next week’s Bitch and Famous!

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