The FHM sexiest woman in the world title-holder says: ?I try not to make headlines. I'm self conscious about this. I try to make my presence not known.? ?Unknown? the word you?re searching for, perhaps, Jess?

?I have my own fashion style and do not try to fit in,? the thespian continues. ?I don't have my breasts under my chin, I'm not showing my butt cheeks, not much legs. I don't go for the trendiest look.?

Not much legs? Either it?s ?not much leg? or ?not many legs?, and I?m taking a wild guess that she meant the former.

?You filthy pedant, Trixy!? I hear you say ? but, let?s be fair: I?ve let her chew her way through the scenery of many a film without comment. When it comes to butchering the English language, though, I have to say ?enough!?.

That said, I can hardly fault her on her don?t-trade-on-yours-looks approach. I mean, her fans are totally into her acting skills. Particularly after her modestly-attired turn in ?Into the Blue?. Ah, yes, that triumph of an action/adventure movie, with a plot generally quoted as involving, ?A group of divers [who] find themselves in deep trouble with a drug lord after they come upon the illicit cargo of a sunken airplane.? This great film was in no way primarily concerned with Jessica?s bikini. I can?t stress that enough.

Pamela Anderson, however, is never ashamed of wearing a bikini. In fact, she recently got married to Kid Rock wearing one. Of course, that blissful union ended just months later, but, still, the bikini was a good idea.

Anyway, word is that (yet again) Pammie is back with ex-husband and father of her two boys Tommy Lee ? or else is just very keen to give the kids time with both their folks. Apparently Pam and Tommy are buying a place together on an artificial island called Greece in Dubai, where they?ll be able to hang out with the boys, Brandon and Dylan.

I?m hoping this is just for the children?s benefit, and does not actually signal a reunion between the rocker and the model/actress. Seriously, Pamela ? you?re only supposed to go out once with each guy.

TRIXY HONORE

(pronounced On-or-ay) is a lover of celeb gossip and based in Cape Town ? though she prefers to live out the winter months on the Riviera. Trixy is dedicated to extracting what substance she can from the world of style, while never forgetting the vital importance of trivia, and an elegant pair of gloves, in the well-rounded life. Elvis, charming manners, nice shoes and a good haircut are on her list of life?s essentials.

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Lindsay Lohan hasn?t got into any particular trouble herself lately, but she?s hardly been the model of maturity. Granted, she is still pretty young, but how old do you have to get before you stop with the pouting, posing and general ?Look at me, now!? behaviour? Well, perhaps I should ask Paris that question.

Poor luckless Lindsay was bounced by the frontman of Brit rockers the Arctic Monkeys, Alex Turner, whom she tried in vain to flirt with at a recent LA party, hosted by the US edition of GQ mag.

?Lindsay was really miffed when Alex was unresponsive towards her and had a face like thunder,? observed a fellow partygoer.

Better luck was had by Kimberley Stewart ? who managed to hook the band?s drummer and reportedly had him, ?following her around like a lapdog?. And who said Kim was just a pretty face? Oh, wait? she is.

Heartbreak for another famous-for-being-the-daugher-of-someone-who-actually-had-a-music-career kid, Kelly Osbourne. Not of the romantic kind, though. Kelly had her bag lifted from a Hollywood bash, and with it a high-end camera with a bunch of personal pics on it, as well as the obligatory cell jammed full of celeb friends? numbers.

I?m thinking that when I gather a whole crop of star chums and they entrust me with their precious, precious private numbers, perhaps it would be wise to store those under fake names?