Personally, I don?t think the Britter?s ultra-brief marriage was the end of the world. But, panicking record company execs have postponed the release of her latest single / got the wayward young woman to apologise profusely / allegedly insisted that Brit go to counselling over her use of alcohol / etc.

I guess the middle-American fan base doesn?t take kindly to nuptial larks. And, while I?m less inclined to take such a dim view of Britney?s Vegas escape, I have to say that it really does strain credulity to breaking point to believe the supposed eyewitness account that surfaced, saying that neither Brit nor ex-husband Jason Allen Alexander were the least bit inebriated on the night in question.

Just before I get down to the celebrity winners and losers themselves, though, I have to say what great taste in celeb preferences you all have! I hope that my regular readers by now know me well enough to realise that I have little trouble ?telling it like it is? (I?m a veritable Dr. Phil of the gossip world), and that this is no empty compliment.

So, who did you all vote for?

Well, perhaps I should get this first category out of the way quickly and kick off with the one on which I didn?t quite see eye-to-eye with the majority. You voted Kelly Osbourne as Young, Newly-Famous and Most Likely to Sink without a Trace. So far, so good ? I have no especial problem with the chameleon-haired famous-offspring-about-town, but she hardly screams ?star quality?.

However, I was a little disheartened to see Kiera Knightley in last place.

Not only that, but you put her at the top of the Young, Newly-Famous and Most Likely to reach Megastardom poll. Say it isn?t so! Can?t quite put my finger on it, but something about that winsome, googly-eyed Brit just puts my teeth on edge. Clearly, though, this is one prejudice I?ll have to nurse all on my own!

Can?t fault you on your choice of Best Celeb Couple, though ? Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston won by a landslide, with over 40 percent of the vote, followed by Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe with 25 percent, and Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin fetching up in third spot with 10 percent.

Of course, Worst Celeb Couple of 2003 was a walkover for Bennifer, who clocked up 43 percent of the votes cast. Second place was a close thing ? but Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom just pipped Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher to the post; the couples garnering 17 percent and 16 percent respectively.

But what could explain the runners up in this category, considering that you voted Orlando second in the Best Actor stakes and 34 percent rated him as the Celeb You Can?t Get Enough Of (fellow Lord-of-the-Ringer Viggo Mortensen got 22 percent, to come second, and Halle Berry came third with 15 percent)?

Must be Kate! In fact, the evident anti-Bosworth sentiment prompted an American reader to write in querying South Africans? dislike of the poor ?Blue Crush? headliner.

True, that surf movie wasn?t exactly going to win the woman any Oscars ? but my guess is that anyone who?s managed to grab Mr. Bloom out from under the noses of his millions of lovesick fans, is not going to be wildly popular! (Especially when Bloom keeps on about how in love he is! ?I'm in love with love. It's heavenly when you're falling for someone and you can't stop thinking about her.?)

So, if Orlando was your second-best actor of 2003, who came out on top? Well, here I have to say that you all showed the most impeccable taste, as a staggering 75 percent of you voted for the gorgeous and infinitely talented Johnny Depp.

Orlando had to be content with 16 percent, and third-placed George Clooney got just 4 percent. Plus, the very cockles of my heart were warmed to see the self-satisfied Collin Farrell languishing down in the second-from-last spot, with less than 1 percent!

When it came to Worst Actress of 2003 you also showed great discernment in recognising a most deserving winner ? namely Pamela Anderson (42 percent), with Paris Hilton the runner up (25 percent) and Cameron Diaz coming in third (10 percent). Having sat through almost a full episode of ?V.I.P.? once (please don?t ask me why), I really can?t quibble with your decision?

Nor can I argue with the Worst Actor of 2003 award recipient, Ben Affleck ? who got 40 percent of the vote. Leonardo DiCaprio was trailing with 20 percent, but Jim Carrey stayed hot on his heels with 19 percent.

Best Actress of 2003 was hotly contested, but Catherine Zeta-Jones just managed to beat out Liv Tyler, 26 percent to 24 percent, and Nicole Kidman finished up third with 17 percent.

When it came to the Celeb Whose Name You Never Want to See Again, my heart was gladdened to see the lovely Gwyneth quite rightly languishing in last place. No such luck for Bennifer, though. This single celeb entity swept the category with 41 percent of the vote, followed by Michael Jackson in second (21 percent) and Britney Spears in third (14 percent).

Unfortunately for the 14 percent who did cast their ballot in favour of having Brit struck from the roster, the energetic young pop tart went and got hitched over the vac, generating untold gossip-column inches!

Your Worst Film of 2003? ?Gigli? left almost half of you utterly unmoved (48 percent, to be exact), and ?The Matrix? franchise clearly failed to live up to expectations, as ?Reloaded? took second place with 14 percent. ?Terminator III? also let down fans of its popular predecessor, coming third (12 percent).

And, finally ? great choice when it came to Best Film of 2003. The fantastic ?Love Actually? took home the top honours (33 percent), followed closely by ?Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King? (31 percent) ? and I was pleased to see the car-chase and explosion fiesta ?Bad Boys II? making third position (11 percent).

Those are the winners and losers for 2003 ? now it?s time to see who?s throwing themselves into the ring for this year!

For starters ? just in case you need a reminder that you?re being woefully underpaid ? word is that the five ?Friends? are getting an almost unbelievable $2-million (over R14-million) each to star in a single hour-an-a-half episode of the immensely popular sitcom.

This super-costly installment will take the form of a Thanksgiving reunion special that?s going to be aired a full year after the programme finally goes off air ? though it?ll be taped straight after the last episode of the final season.

?We knew it would be tough to get the ?Friends? stars together again once they'd gone their separate ways,? explains a spokesperson for the sitcom?s network, NBC, ?So we put an offer on the table to persuade them to film the reunion right away.? I imagine you could persuade me to do quite a number of things if you put $2-million on the table?

Aside from the heartache of leaving the set behind for the last time, the female cast members have found just one other topic of conversation during the show?s last days: babies. Says a crew member: ?Ten years ago they were all cooing over who they had a crush on. Things have definitely changed.? Now they?re all happily hitched and have babies on the brain. ?It's all they've spoken about. Fertility tips, pregnancy tips, baby fashion ? you name it!?

Lisa Kudrow has a five-year-old already and Courtney Cox has just publicly announced her pregnancy (though her brother-in-law spilt the beans on a talk show months ago) ? the new Cox-Arquette is reportedly going to be a boy. Poor Jen Aniston is, of course, constantly hounded by the press, who?re forever trying to find out her baby plans and confirm the rumours that Brad is anxious to have kiddies right away, and that she?s planning to oblige once ?Friends? is all done.

But while Jen is keeping her thoughts to herself, the same can?t be said for Tom Cruise. The ardent Scientologist has now weighed in on the subject of counselling. ?I think it's an utter waste of time. There's nothing scientific about it,? he fulminates. "Communication is a good thing, but I think people get more mentally out of having a good meal or going for a walk. I think psychiatry should be outlawed.?

Presumably eating and walking formed the bulk of Cruise?s strategy in dealing with his divorce?

But, while he may be hopelessly misguided in some spheres, he does still have a few redeeming features. Long known for being good to his fans, Cruise recently went above and beyond the call of duty ? spending almost three hours in London?s Leicester Square, to fulfill his promise that he?d sign an autograph for every fan who turned up.

?I love this, especially in London," commented Tom. ?I've had several proposals of marriage and it's been enormous fun. People have been out here since 8am waiting for me. It's been amazing. The next time I come here I'll start at dawn.?

Glad one A-lister is fond of London: Justin Timberlake is less than enthused with the place, after allegedly being unexpectedly punched in the face by a ?fan? at a city club. Said Timberlake: ?It is just crazy over here in Britain, I f?ing hate coming over here!?

And, finally, could you possibly forgive me if I mention half of the couple you assured me you never wanted to hear another word about? I know you must all be shaking your heads in despair ? truly there is no hope for me?

But I just loved this quote from Ben Affleck explaining why the postponement of his and Jen?s media circus, uh, marriage wasn?t a big deal: ?Neither one of us was in any great hurry to do the thing. It's not as if we were waiting to sleep together, for example, which would probably put a certain kind of urgency to the matter.?

Not saving yourselves for marriage, Bennifer? And this after Ben famously commented that dear, Catholic Jenny was the closest thing to a virgin likely to be found in Hollywood (yes, he really did say that)?

Movie stars continue to give politicians a run for their money when it comes to bizarre utterances ? so make sure you join me next week, when I dish out more from the weird world of the overly famous!

Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email me.