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On to the latest gossip: of course, the big celeb news is that Gwynie is pregnant!

Her publicist has just confirmed it, but no word on a wedding for Paltrow and boyfriend Chris Martin. And what do the Oscar-winning actress and the musician have to say about it? Never ones for public grandstanding, they?re keeping pretty quiet. But, the Paltrow staffer did comment that they are ?pleased?.

Well, couldn?t have happened to a nicer couple ? Gwynie certainly deserves some joy in her life.

Renee Zellweger is, generally, a great favourite of mine, but you have to question whether the woman?s got her head screwed on right when she claims to be baffled by all the attention her weight gain for the ?Bridget Jones? sequel is getting.

Disingenuous? Me?

Wavering precipitously on the edge of reason, Renee contemplates her change from waif to nicely-covered: ?The first time I did it, I learned a lot. I realised the influence of living in a society that focuses so much on physicality has affected me.? I think a few of us could have informed her of that quite a while ago. You only have to look at her progression from unknown to uber-actress, and the typical shrinking that went along with it.

?When the film was coming out,? she continues, ?the question I was asked the most was regarding my weight. And again it's happening. I was followed around Heathrow by a guy who wanted to take a picture of my backside. I don't understand the obsession.?

Well, it?s exactly the same obsession that made her ditch that pretty healthy weight from the first BJ movie in about five seconds flat after filming wrapped, and the same obsession that left her all bone and muscle at this year?s Oscars.

But you don?t have to be an Oscar-red-carpet-walking celeb to be concerned about how people see you. Perhaps certain terribly untrue rumours about you have started doing the rounds and you?d really like to get your image cleaned up before your chances of winning Miss South Africa are permanently ruined.

Whatever the dilemma, you?ll find that hiring a top-quality PR fixer is usually a good option. Because, really, who cares what you?ve actually done ? as long as the adoring public are on your side?

So, PR wizard it is for the beleaguered Hilton fam (according the US?s Village Voice) ? desperate to repair the damage done by their party-loving young heiress, given that their ?it was all his idea? response to the raunchy sex tape of her and Shannon Doherty?s husband was rather blown out of the water by Paris?s preening in front of the camera during the unfortunate incident?

What do you do when that video is just a few brief clicks away on half a dozen websites (although most are now charging for the privilege of watching Ms Hilton)? Sob your heart out, is the advice of the Hilton?s new spin doctor ? and he only changed $50 000 (over R310 000) for that sage suggestion.

Basically, he directed the Hiltons to cry the moment they saw a camera or any kind of recording device at all. I suppose the idea is to get the sympathy vote and, possibly, to make Paris feel guilty enough that she?ll stay in and take up crocheting. Keep crying?

And the whimpering Hiltons may well be joined by the teary-eyed movie studio who?s had to pick up the reported $64 000 (almost R400 000) tab for Colin Farrell?s two-week stay in a Morocco hotel.

Says studio insider: ?His suite was expensive enough, but his bosses nearly had a seizure when this bill dropped. They're not hopping mad though. Colin's a huge star and will more than make up for that by pulling audiences in when the film is released.?

Make enough money at the box office, and you too could empty the hotel suite?s mini-bar every 15 minutes?

I guarantee you that Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz could paint the presidential suite at the Ritz lime green if they wanted, without a single eyebrow being raised at the repair bill. Which is just one of the crazy excesses allowed to those hallowed few movie-ticket-selling machines.

But, these two lucky women aren?t just raking in the millions for their studio bosses ? they?re taking home a fair amount of the cash too.

In fact, Roberts and Diaz are now holding joint first place as the highest female earners, as judged by the Hollywood Reporter for their ?Women in Entertainment? list. The pair can get a rather generous $20-million (about R124-million) per flick, which is a full $5-million (R31-million) more than Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon.

Regardless of what Ben Affleck?s earning nowadays (see below for details), he certainly didn?t need the extra money resulting from the massive publicity he?s received as the male half of Benifer. But you may be surprised at the celeb who?s standing up for old Ben ? none other than the man he shared his screenwriting Oscar with: Matt Damon.

While Matt?s always been said to be less than overjoyed with Affleck?s choice of partner, at least he believes that it?s true love and not just a publicity stunt. ?Ben didn't go into the relationship saying, 'This will get me a lot of coverage.' Ben was already getting plenty of work as an actor. He didn't need this kind of celebrity and he certainly never courted it,? claims Matt.

And, we?re not the only ones sick of hearing about the every move of Ben and Jen. ?Ben told me he doesn't want to see his picture on the cover of another magazine," says Damon. ?He said all this recent publicity is making him sick of himself. Ben understands why some people are sick of seeing so much being written and photographed about him and that's really frustrating for him.?

Well, I?ll do my bit and strike him from Bitch and Famous for as long as I can contain myself, and not write about the Ben and Jen show?

Though the Oscars are still a fair way away, talk of that big love-fest is already starting to crop up in more than a few Hollywood conversations. Of course, the final ?Lord of the Rings? installment is tipped to be nominated for Best Picture, and to get Peter Jackson a Best Director nod. Renee and Nicole are both set to be nominated again, although not in the same category ? prompting some to predict a double win for ?Cold Mountain? for both Best and Supporting Actress.

A little lower down the prize chain is the award for Best Song ? and competition is already hotting up there too. Disney thinks Phil Collins is in there with a good chance for his score to their ?Brother Bear? movie, but Phil?s not remotely interested in going on a manic Tinseltown self-promotion junket.

"I don't live in LA,? says Collins ? now resident in Switzerland, ?and I'm not going to travel thousands of miles to try to talk people into voting for me or twist their arm. That's not my style. The year I won I was up against Randy Newman and he campaigned really hard. But Randy had been nominated nine times before and never won, so I don't think it's the best approach. People like a bit of modest restraint.? Even in LA?

Plus, Collins isn?t going to be stuffing the ballot box on his own behalf: ?I don't vote for myself, I never have. I might have won by just one vote, then it would be worthless. I don't vote, I don't tell my friends who to vote for and I don't campaign.?

But even Phil may be hoping that he?ll still win.

Harrison Ford, like Collins, has been in the public eye for decades. But, thankfully, he?s not going nuts to try to compete with ever-younger stars. Ford?s more than happy to be over 60, it seems ? even if others need a little convincing?

?Harrison's been talking to Steven Spielberg (director of the new ?Indiana Jones? movie Harrison is starring in) and George Lucas (the film?s writer and producer) and the project is moving along quicker that anticipated,? says a movie source. ?Harrison's ready to go but he's told them he's not about to kill himself getting ready for filming because he wants to bring another aspect to the character. He's 61 now and he's been around the block long enough to know there's no point trying to pass himself off as a 30 year old anymore.?

Many people in LA are still trying, though. But, like it or not ? movie bosses are going to have to accept that people will notice that Indiana has aged a little since his last adventure.

And I leave you with two takes on Hollywood and its stars rather less gushing than you?ll hear during next year?s frantic awards season?

First up is Dame Judi Dench (who stars as ?M? in the ?Bond? franchise), who?s given her views on the money paid to silver screeners these days. When she found out that Ben Affleck now gets a fee of over $20-million per movie (perhaps less after ?Gigli?), she had this to say: ?I mean, sorry, I'm not saying anything about Ben, who I think is a jolly good actor, but if people are going to demand that amount of money, then the whole thing is cockeyed.?

Much like the performances of Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes in ?The Avengers?, which got them voted the ?worst movie double act of all time? by the UK?s Total Film mag. Says a rep of the magazine, ?There's a lot of competition for the worst film duo, but you have to go a long way to beat Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes. They look as if they've never even met before ? just plonked on the set together on the day of the shoot and told to flirt. Completely unconvincing.? Fiennes?s efforts were termed ?stiff? and Thurman?s ?robotic?.

At least those two have since redeemed themselves in far better cinematic offerings ? they can rest assured of been overtaken in the awfulness stakes by a whole new crop of acting ?talents?.

See you next week for more Bitch and Famous!

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