Still, what is it that they always say… you regret the things you didn’t do far more than those you did (with a few key exceptions — say, if your name’s Debbie and you did Dallas…). Well, that’s certainly the case for the coolest man since Elvis. Travolta may be able to get over some of the real dogs that have peppered his cinematic career, but will he ever be able to forgive himself for turning down a part in the movie of 2002 — namely ‘Chicago’?

An interviewer recently asked him about the decision. “You're rubbing salt in my wounds! I'm still angry with myself that I turned down the role of the lawyer in Chicago that Richard Gere then got,” he said. Travolta apparently thought that the flick wasn’t likely to be that much of success. Who watches musicals?

Hey, it could have been worse — just think of that record company genius who said ‘no’ to signing the Beatles, commenting that, “Guitar groups are on their way out.” And Travolta’s also got fellow silver screen star Will Smith to keep him company. Smith reportedly refused the role of Neo in the original ‘Matrix’ movie to star in the less-than-stellar ‘Wild Wild West’!

Now, aside from picking the right roles, about 90 percent of a celeb’s job boils down to looking nice — and most really don’t shirk this awesome responsibility. In fact, many half kill themselves in the pursuit of perfect presentation. But sadly for them there’s only so much that daily personal training, seaweed wraps and the grapefruit diet can do. Beyond that it’s time to call in the airbrushes…

TRIXY HONORÉ is a devotee of star gossip and Elvis Presley, counting among her enemies the modern colonial mindset and experimental jazz. She's of the firm belief that the lack of radio airtime nowadays given to such luminaries as The Beatles or the Spice Girls is the root of society's current malaise. Asked to pick her style icons, she would opt for Tretchikoff, Gwyneth Paltrow and Dorothy Parker. Trixy lives with a menagerie of acrylic, plastic, Piscean and human characters in Cape Town. Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!

Which is what the studio seems to have done in the case of Jennifer Lopez’s butt, for the poster of her new movie 'Gigli' (pronounced ‘jeally’ to rhyme with ‘really’). But don’t take my word for it — check out the smaller-than-normal rear for yourself at: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/gigli/index.html

They say that while her butt might have been tampered with, nothing’s been altered on the bust front. Well, all I can say is that she’s sporting one damn supportive bra!

But is that fiancé of her's quite supportive enough? Hmm, not entirely eyes-on-me enough for J. Lo — or so some say. Seems Jen’s getting a bit concerned about hunky-chunk-of-actor Affleck’s friendship with co-star Uma Thurman (the two are filming ‘Paycheck’ together in Canada) — particularly as she hasn’t forgotten that her and Ben’s romance blossomed under just such conditions, when they met on the set of ‘Gigli’. So, to put her mind at rest, she’s taken to dropping by the Vancouver set as often as possible (via private plane, of course).

Jennifer Aniston, in stark contrast, is probably drawing a large sigh of relief to hear that Catherine Zeta-J may be starring opposite her husband, the oh-so-lovely Brad Pitt, in the upcoming ‘Mr and Mrs Smith’. Why, you ask? Does Cathy not have charms aplenty with which to lure away the sandy-haired Brad (if she wanted to, that is)? Indeed, she does — but the person Zeta-Jones might be replacing is none other than Nicole Kidman, as she’s in the midst of a serious schedule crunch.

The over-loaded Ms K is so uber-popular at the moment, though, that studio bosses are falling over backwards to try to keep her attached to the project. But, justifiably or not, she’s far less popular with Tinseltown wives — who don’t particularly relish the thought of their men being confined on a set for months with the queen of charisma!

No less talented an actress than Nicole, but one with a far less hotly debated lovelife, is Allison Janney — star of the multi-award-winning ‘West Wing’. The brilliant Janney, who’s just been nominated for yet another Emmy (along with Jen Aniston), is definitely not leaving her sartorial choices to the last minute, as do so many others (sometimes with painfully visible consequences).

Says the small-screen celeb about her Emmy nom: “I feel much more relaxed and on the ground about this whole thing now. I had a fantastic day when I found out I was nominated — I went right to Badgley Mishka on the same day and found my dress. It's taken care of — I'm totally relaxed and I know what I'm wearing. It never happens like that. It's usually the week before the show that I'm frantically tearing through dresses and it's very hectic. But this time it just worked out so beautifully.”

Now we’ll just have to wait until 21 September to see the fruits of her early shopping spree. And find out who wins those little Emmys, of course…

What does TV really need more of? I can’t say that ‘members of the Osbourne family’ would have been anywhere near the top of my list. But, if those TV studio marketing gurus hope to keep their well-paid jobs, then they better hope that my list is an anomalous one — because Sharon Osbourne, matriarch of the whole dysfunctional clan, is getting her own daytime talkshow in the US.

The title? ‘Sharon’. Brilliant. Clearly those marketing folk aren’t being over-paid.

“I could never be as good as Oprah. I won't be recommending books. That's not my thing. My experience is life. I want to go from women in prison to kids on the street to Demi Moore.” Interesting spread there, Shazzer. There’s reportedly going to be a live camera link from the show’s studio to the Osbourne mansion, so she can talk to the rest of the family during the show. May the saints preserve us…

But Sharon’s not the only one who’s happy to rabbit on. Eleven-year-old Daryl Sabar — who co-stars with Salma Hayek in the latest ‘Spy Kids’ movie: ‘Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over’ — is also a keen talker… and one who said rather too much for his own good in a recent interview.

Having pumped up for his role in the film (at 11? Am I the only person who finds this disturbing?), he was proudly showing off his muscles on the ‘Today’ show. “I was showing off (to Salma), you know? She isn't with Ed Norton anymore.” Don’t kids say the darndest things?

So, sadly, seems Hayek and Norton really have called it quits after three years.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin haven’t even known each other for three years, but they seem pretty confident that they aren’t going to tire of each other. First December was rumoured as the date for the marriage of the young and beautiful twosome, then it was ‘some time in summer’, but New York columnist Cindy Adams says she’s “hearing preparations are already being prepped,” as she puts it. Oh the tension! When will it be? What we really need are a few thoughtful stars who care about their loving public enough to actually announce the date well in advance.

At least we do tend to get engagement announcements — the latest one being from Diane Lane (nominated for a 2003 Best Actress Oscar) and Barbra Streisand’s stepson, Josh Brolin. Hope Lane has better luck with Josh than his former fiancée, Minnie Driver!

Of course, not everyone in Hollywood is so happily paired off. Angelina Jolie has been moping about the place recently saying that she thinks she’s destined to be alone forever — this despite the slew of eligible men that she’s been linked to in the last few weeks. Still, even not being linked to anyone is better than being linked to, um, your brother…

There were some really dodgy rumours doing the rounds a few years ago when she enthusiastically kissed her brother after her Best Supporting Actress win at the 2000 Oscars. Well, Ms Jolie’s finally laid that pernicious talk to rest: “I didn't snog my brother. I wanted an Oscar my whole life — my father had had one. Me and my brother had a very difficult upbringing. We both survived a lot together and it meant a lot that he supported me my whole life. And in that moment, you reach to kiss somebody, and you end up kissing their mouth. Who cares? It wasn't like we had our mouths open, it wasn't some romantic kiss.”

And if you think that whole thing sounds odd — listen to this… What’s been on display in a hair salon for a decade and once belonged to The King? That would be one of Elvis’s teeth, a lock of his hair and a copy of his super hit single ‘Love Me Tender’ (a gold-plated copy of the single, actually — in case you were hoping to play it).

Bidding starts at $100,000 (over R7.5 million) on eBay. So, why is the Yellow Strawberry hair parlour in Fort Lauderdale, Florida (where the stuff had been on display), willing to part with these gems? Seems the vast insurance bill was getting too much for them.

From the rather off-putting to the downright stupid…. Seems ‘Harry Potter’ has well and truly captivated even its (supposedly) adult audience, like the 20-year-old Italian woman who recently burnt down half her Madrid home and had to be taken to hospital, after trying to weave a spell inspired by JK Rowling’s books. The ingredients she used? Water, oil, alcohol and toothpaste. Who said reading makes you cleverer?

I leave you with the news that knee-weakness-inducing Orlando Bloom is not especially thrilled at his next film. With the highly successful ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ (with Johnny Depp) doing great things at the box office and ‘Troy’ (with Brad Pitt) sure to be a massive hit — he’s clearly headed for the A-list. But his upcoming flick ‘The Calcium Kid’ is not exactly his bag.

“A mate asked me to do it and I couldn't say no,” says Bloom — who’ll be co-starring in the movie opposite singer Billie Piper. In the film Bloom plays a milk delivery man cum boxer, who lands up fighting the world boxing champ. Orlando’s comment on the whole thing: “I rate every movie I do as a unique experience.”

Now there’s diplomacy for you!

Join me next week and I’ll spill the beans on Spider-Man Tobey Maguire’s weight tribulations and tell you why Jim Carrey recently trashed a five-star UK hotel room!

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