Too rich, too thin, too famous?

‘The Matrix: Reloaded’ star Monica Bellucci has laid into American actresses for looking too skinny — unlike her wonderfully womanly self... "Too many American actresses and models are slender and childish-looking," snaps Bellucci. "I've never been frightened of being a real woman. It might seem old fashioned, but I think many men want to see real women with full figures."

"I like doors being opened for me and I appreciate it when men make a fuss," she continues. "This is not to reject women's rights — because I'm free and independent. It's just facing facts. That's just the way it is."

Just the way it is, eh? Beautiful seems to be just the way Monica is, at any rate. "I don't work out and I would never have surgery," she assures us. Yes, well, not many people would be stupid enough to go under the scalpel if they were already blindingly gorgeous.

And, of course, there are only certain body types that are ever going to look ‘wonderfully curvaceous’. Because, let’s face it, a ‘full-figured’ Gwyneth Paltrow is only ever going to look lardy — not super-womanly. Actually, Bellucci’s snipes strike me as being rather like Einstein saying that remedial maths lessons are a total waste of time!

TRIXY HONORE is a devotee of star gossip and Elvis Presley, counting among her enemies the modern colonial mindset and experimental jazz. She's of the firm belief that the lack of radio airtime nowadays given to such luminaries as The Beatles or the Spice Girls is the root of society's current malaise. Asked to pick her style icons, she would opt for Tretchikoff, Gwyneth Paltrow and Dorothy Parker. Trixy lives with a menagerie of acrylic, plastic, Piscean and human characters in Cape Town. Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!

‘Pearl Harbour’ star Kate Beckinsale certainly didn’t let any time go to waste after her split from longtime-love, fellow actor Michael Sheen — with whom she has a four-year-old daughter, Lily. A little while ago she fell for movie director Len Wiseman, and — in true Tinseltown style — they’re reported to be on their way to the altar already… just like Jennifer Connelly (now expecting a baby with new hubby and ‘Beautiful Mind’ co-star Paul Bethany) who broke up and got hitched in record time (well, not a Hollywood record). And I won’t even think of mentioning the other Jennifer!

Beckinsale’s happy day is scheduled for later in the year — provided she and Wiseman can find the perfect house to live in as newlyweds. Word is that they’re house-hunting in none-too-shabby Malibu, California, for their dream home.

Thing is, unlike his rising-star ex, Michael Sheen is said to be taking his split from Kate pretty hard. According to the UK’s Daily Mirror: "Michael has been trying to get on with his life but he hadn't given up on the hope of a reconciliation. He has been hit badly by the news that she is going to marry. He's only just getting over the recent pictures of Kate's breasts being fondled by Wiseman during a shopping spree in Los Angeles." No fun at all having a famous ex.

Not sure it’s much easier when you’re both famous, but perhaps it does help having had some experience with love in the public eye. These next two have a collection of — count them! — five high-profile divorces between them, so I guess they’re pretty used to all the hoopla…

Yup, the latest new celeb couple said to be getting it on is the suitably oddball pairing of Angelina Jolie and Nicholas Cage. They met when co-starring in ‘Gone in 60 Seconds’, but only bumped into each other again at the beginning of this year. The romance reportedly started with a friendly lunch at the Savoy in London, when the two were both in the UK for the BAFTA’s (the Brit Oscars).

And, in a turn of fate slightly less odd than the two actors themselves, they landed up at the self-same dinner that very evening — where, says an insider, "Nic was in a dinner suit, Angie was in a stunning red dress and they both looked incredible. By the end of the party they were in each other's arms. Neither of them anticipated it — it just happened."

Love — not to mention marriage — sure does seem to be something that ‘just happens’ to the rich and famous! So, how ’bout a little thought next time? Nah, it would take all the fun out of watching the crazy pairings La La-Land throws up.

Sticking with all things lovey-dovey — seems there might be one more star coming off the singleton list in the near future… none other than Hugh Grant’s former love, Liz Hurley. She’s been bowled over by Arun Nayar — one of the few spectacularly rich men (not from being in front of the camera) who has been blessed with the looks to match his money!

The love-struck pair are said to have checked into the Cliveden Hotel in England as Mr and Mrs Nayar on a recent romantic weekend away — fuelling the growing talk that the two are engaged. They can’t have eloped, though, as Nayar is actually still married to model Valentina Pedroni. But Liz and Arun’s antics at their $1431-a-night (that’s well over R11 000) getaway have left their fellow exclusive hotel guests in no doubt that Nayar is planning to retie his knot with Liz just as soon as he can undo the other one.

But that’s enough of love now — what about a good ol’ fight for a change of pace? Poor Pamela Anderson was accosted by a fellow passenger while flying out to sunny California from, um, sunny Florida the other day. The allegedly drunk man (he claims he was sober) somehow got it into his head that Pammy had expressed a political opinion — and since he took a violent exception to her views, he started verbally abusing her.

Fifty-two-year-old Louis Zizza had kittens because he thought Pam had slammed the US attack on Iraq. But it seems he got the wrong girl: "I want to make a personal apology to Ms Pamela Anderson for my behaviour. I mistook her for someone else and I am deeply sorry for it."

Won’t say who he mistook the poor Pamster for, though — and I’m really curious. Who could he have thought she was? Dolly Parton?

I assume if he had recognised her, he wouldn’t have been mean to the dear, sweet thing. After all, as she recently explained to Stuff mag, she’s all for the boys and girls in khaki: "You have to support the people who are over there, even though you may not agree with war. Nobody agrees with war. I just support them."

No, dear, no-one agrees with war, that’s why all those troops went… oh, never mind.

On to another blonde, who’s been signed up to star in another sequel — even though the first sequel hasn’t even come out yet! The lucky A-lister in question is Reese Witherspoon.

She’s been snapped up for ‘Legally Blonde III’ before ‘LB II’s release. I have to say, after the huge hit that film number one was, I don’t think this is too dangerous a limb for studio MGM to be going out on. Plus, chances are that if they waited for the second ‘LB’s release they’d be facing a much heftier bill for Reese’s services on the third instalment!

So, what’s up next for deceptively ditzy new-minted lawyer, Elle Woods? Well, says Witherspoon about act three: "Marc Platt, the producer, thought it would be very funny to have Elle in London, having to go up to the bar with all the barristers. Europe is the next big world to conquer. Elle's conquered America. It's time to conquer the globe."

And sticking with ultra-popular sequels… there’s talk of bringing one of the 80s best-loved film franchises back to the big screen. Makes you wonder, though, when we’re next going to have an ‘original’ blockbuster — insofar as that kind of movie ever is — what with ‘The Matrix: Reloaded", ‘Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle", ‘X-men 2’ and all the first-time-on-the-silver-screen-but-culled-from-other-media flicks like ‘Harry Potter’ and ‘Lord of the Rings’ — though even those are well into the sequels. Plus, there’re the new ‘Star Wars’ prequels, and comic book-conversions ‘Spiderman’ and the upcoming ‘Hulk’!

Artistically stifling? Perhaps, but the vast box office pulling power of the sequel is that people know almost exactly what they’ll be getting. It’s guaranteed gratification: no taking a chance on some unproven cinematic mix — for you or the studio sinking all their money into the project.

And they could do a lot worse than putting a few million into this latest rumoured comeback kid — especially since the director concerned is Hollywood blue chipper Steven Spielberg.

Seems he’s ‘expressed interest’, as the expression goes, in reviving ‘Back to the Future’.

But, this would quite a departure from the original trilogy. If the project takes off it’s likely to be in the form of an animated film — plus, neither Michael J Fox nor Christopher Lloyd are keen to reprise their starring roles, and director Robert Zemeckis and producer Bob Gale are also not jumping on the remake bandwagon.

Bruce Willis, on the other hand, has jumped right into the gossip storm surrounding his newly-buff ex, Demi Moore. And, if you didn’t already doubt that a good percentage of what you read is absolutely rubbish, you’ve got all the proof you need now.

Bruce is reported to have said of his ex-wife’s new romance with young Ashton Kutcher, "I'm happy for anyone who finds romance. We hang out. He's a pretty cool guy. I love Demi — we are still great friends. I wish her nothing but the best and much happiness."

But, keep reading and you’re likely to come across sources who swear blind that he’s mad as a snake about their relationship and feels it’s setting a terrible example for his and Demi’s young daughters.

Whatever Bruce’s real take on the situation, I bet he’s jealous he didn’t get a trip out on P. Diddy’s yacht with the two love birds. It’s a hard life!

On a side note — I just recently learnt that Demi is short for Demitria. Now I would be kind of sorry for the woman getting saddled with a moniker like that — plus legend has it that her parents actually named her after a popular soap powder! — but she’s not getting any sympathy from me now that she’s gone and perpetrated the same sins against her own poor brood.

Rumer got off all right, but Scout LaRue and Tullalah Belle? Nuff said.

And, wrapping things up on a very perky note, is Kylie Minogue. This bubbly little popstrel has just signed on as the new face of British Airways! She’s reportedly to have inked a R1 million-plus deal with BA, to promote the airline’s long-haul flights to nice warm, beachside destinations. Sun and Kylie — BA are no doubt hoping that, come winter in the UK, this enticing combo will prove too hard for the freezing Brits to resist. As a staffer at Kylie’s record label, EMI, joked: "She is the perfect antidote to winter gloom."

Hopefully this Bitch and Famous has proved to be something of an antidote to any winter blues you might be suffering from. But, if you’re still feeling the cold a little too much, why not join me again next week and find out why three of Hollywood’s heaviest hitters — Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis and Denzel Washington — are all going to court together, and just why Sarah Jessica Parker find’s her ‘Sex in the City’ character frankly embarrassing…

Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email me.

Want to make sure you don’t miss your weekly dose of Bitch and Famous? Join the mailing list: you’ll get a once-a-week email letting you know when the new column’s up (plus a few extra bits of gossip, exclusive to the mailing list). Just send a blank email. You'll get an automatic request to confirm your subscription, and don't worry, your address is kept totally private - all you'll get is the once-a-week Bitch and Famous reminder.

RSS

   Digg

de.li.cious

facebook