You see, Hollywood itself has become such an expensive place to shoot films that just about the only people who can still afford to make movies there are those in the booming porn industry! So, numerous US productions are now shot in film-friendly Canada — large parts of ‘Chicago’, for one, were filmed in Vancouver.

And Halle Berry’s latest project, ‘Catwoman’, is scheduled to start shooting in Toronto, but the Oscar-winner is terrified of catching SARS, given the World Health Organisation’s advisory against travelling to the city. The Daily Star quotes a source as saying: "Halle told a friend, 'I’m worried about myself and the rest of the crew. I wasn’t concerned until the official warning was issued — now I want the production moved.'" Well, if Halle can’t get a movie moved, no-one can.

Not having any trouble getting what she wants is super-star of the music and movie world — Jennifer Lopez. She’s reportedly having a comprehensive little pre-nuptial agreement drawn up by her lawyer as we speak. A British tabloid claims to have discovered that the contract stipulates Ben Affleck has to give Jen half his fortune if they should split up because he’s unfaithful to her. Not to mention the clause that states: "If any infidelity by Mr Affleck should be the cause of the divorce, Ms Lopez will receive full and final custody of all minor children. Mr Affleck shall be entitled to absolutely no visitation privileges." And, apparently, Ben’s not getting any of J. Lo’s dosh, should they part ways.

TRIXY HONORE is a devotee of star gossip and Elvis Presley, counting among her enemies the modern colonial mindset and experimental jazz. She's of the firm belief that the lack of radio airtime nowadays given to such luminaries as The Beatles or The Spicegirls is the root of society's current malaise. Asked to pick her style icons, she would opt for Tretchikoff, Gwyneth Paltrow and Dorothy Parker. Trixy lives with a menagerie of acrylic, plastic, piscean and human characters in Cape Town. Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!

So, is this really the true inside scoop on their pre-nup deal? Not sure it’s the most reliable source — but I can’t say it sounds wildly out of character either! Perhaps Ben’s just got too much money to let financial concerns stand in the way of love — hell, he does earn about $24-million (R175-million) a movie!

Truth be told, though — Jen from the Block (or posh suburbs, if the latest accounts are true!) did leave her last two husbands substantially better off. Hubby No. 1, Ojani Noa, got $48 000 (R350 000) when they split — plus all the tabloid pay-offs for his kiss-and-tells of the brief marriage. Hubby No. 2, Cris Judd, landed a far heftier $14-million (over R100-million) and has managed to become a minor celeb in the US (much along the lines of ex-Big Brother housemates).

If you’re a regular Bitch and Famous reader, I’m sure you’ll have gathered by now that Jen and Ben aren’t exactly at the top of my ‘classiest couple’ list, but I am willing to bet that this time J. Lo is actually in love — and that they just might escape the marriage-pulping effect of Tinseltown. Still, I’m not putting any money on it — not when they haven’t even set a wedding date and UK bookies Ladbrokes are already offering 3-1 odds that they’ll be divorced by the end of the year!

From the faintly to the extremely ridiculous… Best-selling country trio the Dixie Chicks have been having a pretty terrible time of it lately, after frontwoman Natalie Maines said that she was ashamed to hail from the same state as illustrious US President George Bush Jr. Yes, as I’m sure you know, the sales of their new album ‘Home’ dropped 40 percent — but crazily enough it doesn’t end there. Forget about the music sales, say the Chicks, now we’re just concerned with staying alive.

Says guitarist Emily Robinson: "I’m concerned about my safety. I’m concerned about my safety for my family. When you’re getting death threats… At our concerts this year we have to have metal detectors, and to me that’s just crazy. But we have to take precautions, because this thing has gotten so out of control."

That’ll teach anyone famous to have an opinion…

On to a bunch who — dare I say it — never once had a thought in their heads worth hearing, but still managed to be endlessly fascinating… the perfectly-plucked pack from ‘Beverly Hills 90210’. They might have lost a little of their lustre near the end as the unfeasibly old actors bounced through each week’s melodramatic crisis — but I’ll admit that when the show started (and even the characters were much older than me!) I was quite spellbound by just how cool they were!

And guess what? Fox TV’s longest-running series (it lasted a full decade) is coming back from the dead — sort of. Don’t worry, the world’s oldest teens aren’t going to stretch our credulity any further — in fact, they’re going to let us in on the truth behind the best-known postal code in the universe. The upcoming ‘90210’ reunion is a special on how the show that made them teen icons changed the real lives and careers of its actors. Is Tori Spelling really any brighter than Donna? I have my doubts — but I’m still hoping that some SA channel snaps up the programme so I can make sure once and for all.

Something you can be sure will hit our shores is the first big-screen pairing of real-life spouses Brad and Jen. Pitt and Aniston have never before appeared in a movie together — but all that’s about to change for the happy couple. They’re lined up to star as a fictional husband and wife — in an as-yet nameless black comedy about a senator’s wife, who’s tidy little life is turned upside down, when the son she gave up for adoption a decade ago pops up out of her secret past.

Never one to leave its own past alone is Hollywood — now the brilliant 70s classic ‘The Stepford Wives’ is being given the super-celeb treatment, with an all-star 21st-century remake. Director Frank Oz (‘The Score’, ‘Bowfinger’ — plus the voice of numerous Muppets!) will have his hands full of stars — what with Oscar-winning woman-of-the-moment Nicole Kidman playing the lead character (Joanna), and the Cusacks (John and Joan), Glenn Close and Christopher Walken rounding out the superb cast. Plus, lest you be put off by all these stellar thespians, let me tell you that Faith Hill will be joining them, as one of the wives, in her acting debut.

From a remake that shows every sign of giving the original a good run for its money, to a prequel that better bloody well out-shine its two-predecessors and make some attempt not to utterly dishonour the franchise — I’m talking about the third ‘Star Wars’ prequel. I can’t say that I hold out a lot of hope that this won’t be as much of a travesty as the last two, but there is a small ray of sunshine peeping through the dark cloud of incompetent drivel… Chewie’s back!

The big, lovable Wookie is going to be making an appearance in ‘Episode III’, and he’ll be played by Peter Mayhew — reprising the role he took in the original ‘Star Wars’ movies.

Says Mayhew: "I’m delighted to return as Chewbacca. I think his re-appearance in this film is a fitting way to tie the whole saga together, especially for Wookie fans."

If we’re really lucky, Chewie will bite the head off Jar Jar Binks in the final prequel… a girl can dream, can’t she?

Seems Ewan McGregor might have learnt his lesson about sequels, prequels — call them what you will. After being part of the ‘Star Wars’ disaster, he’s reportedly scotching attempts to resurrect the movie that shot him to fame — ‘Trainspotting’. As he so rightly points out, "If it wasn’t as good, people would remember a poor sequel instead of a great original. I wouldn’t touch it just in case it didn’t work out."

All I can say is that I’m doing my level best to remember the original ‘Star Wars’ trilogy and push everything else out of my mind!

Pushing himself in quite another way is Keanu Reeves — he says he was pushed to the very edge of his physical limits in filming the two 'Matrix' sequels (good sequels, by all accounts!).

But he’s certainly not complaining. Aside from getting what promise to be two hit movies out of it, he actually enjoyed the challenge: "I loved being forced into a position where I had to go to the limit in terms of physical endurance and strength. If you’re going to make fight sequences look real and artistic then you have to get your reflexes and your body into almost perfect synchronicity. I always try to push myself one level further. I kept on asking to do another take to get it perfect." Can’t wait to see the fruits of his efforts!

Poor Minnie Driver, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be getting much in return for her efforts. Like Renee Zelwegger, she’s finding that Hollywood stardom isn’t always the quickest road to true love. With A-list exes like John Cusack and Matt Damon, you’d think it would be plain sailing. But Minnie says that: "I really feel like this pariah. It’s unbelievable. I just can’t get a date — and I’ve been single for a while."

Rich, gorgeous, famous, funny, etc, etc — and still no takers? No wonder us ordinary people can’t get dates!

And on that sobering note it’s goodbye for this week. Tune in to Bitch and Famous next week and I’ll tell you just which lucky Brit is upstaging the Queen herself in the money stakes and why super-glam Nicole Kidman is turning frumpy…

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