The ‘Three Kings’ and ‘Perfect Storm’ star is furious at the treatment of his latest movie by studio Twentieth Century Fox. Steven Soderbergh’s sci-fi masterpiece 'Solaris' has been a success with critics, but a bums-on-seats failure. Not for lack of gimmicky marketing ploys on the part of Fox, whom Clooney claims used the appearance of his naked bum in the movie as its major selling point.

"It immediately trivialises what Steven did and even more so what I was doing, and it makes me mad," says Clooney. Will the movie publicity machine ever be able to resist grinding down even the most interesting artistic product into a gee-whiz headline?

One movie that is likely to be more cash and flash than class, has inspired a major girl fight in LA (and, no, I don’t mean the terrific film starring Michelle Rodrieguez) — this over the most coveted role to come along in quite a while. Seems just about every Hollywood heavy-hitter was desperate to don the diamonds and reprise the role that made Marilyn Monroe’s career, in the remake of ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’. (Of course, the 1953 Monroe version was itself a remake.)

TRIXY HONORE is a devotee of star gossip and Elvis Presley, counting among her enemies the modern colonial mindset and experimental jazz. She's of the firm belief that the lack of radio airtime nowadays given to such luminaries as The Beatles or The Spicegirls is the root of society's current malaise. Asked to pick her style icons, she would opt for Tretchikoff, Gwyneth Paltrow and Dorothy Parker. Trixy lives with a menagerie of acrylic, plastic, piscean and human characters in Cape Town. Got something to say about Bitch and Famous? Email her!

It’s all very well to have Oscar noms coming out of your ears, but sheer box-office pulling power is what it comes down to in the end, which is what saw super-popular Reese Witherspoon beat such rumoured rivals as Nicole Kidman, Rene Zellwegger, Angelina Jolie, and even Madonna, to star as jewelery-loving singer Lorelei Lee. Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz are reportedly in negotiations to take the co-starring role of Dorothy Shaw, played by Jane Russell in the original movie.

But whatever low-down dealings may go on in the fight for top roles, let it not be said there’s no morality in Hollywood. Not when — would you believe it — its glossy stars who’re spearheading the latest trend in religion... um, T-shirts. Such luminaries as Ben Affleck and Ashton Kutcher (best known for his roles in ‘That 70s Show’ and ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’) have been seen around America’s entertainment capital sporting religion-themed tops. Even Pamela Anderson has emblazoned the super-spiritual sentiment ‘Jesus is my homeboy’ across her more-than-ample chest. With this kind of star endorsement the T-shirts have been practically walking off the shelves, and Teenage Millionaire (makers of the tops) are struggling to keep up with demand.

"They work for everyone from hipsters to born-again Christians, and stylists love their great cut," enthuses Millionaire’s Chris Hoy.

Seems Quentin Tarantino has had trouble making just one great cut of his new movie.

Now it looks like we might be seeing double of latest offering, ‘Kill Bill’, starring Uma Thurman. The famous-for-'Pulp Fiction' director reportedly wrote so many additional scenes for the movie and shot so much footage that he’s planning to break ‘Kill Bill’ up into two full-length films, to be released within a few weeks of one another.

"It’s a brilliant marketing plan," says David Carradine, who co-stars in the movie. "The first film would end with a cliffhanger, so that everyone would want to see the second half." Brilliant, indeed.

As is someone who may have stayed below SA cinema-goers’ radar so far — rap royalty and movie star Ice Cube (‘All About the Benjamins’, ‘Three Kings’). You may soon get to see a whole lot more of him, though, as he’s just signed on with Revolution Studios to star in and produce at lease three films for them. Revolution have played host to such stars as Julia Roberts, Adam Sandler and Bruce Willis, and they’ll also provide a new home for Ice’s own production company Cube Vision. Here’s hoping we see much more of this understated acting talent on the big screen.

Two film talents movie moguls are itching to put up on the big screen together are Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt — can’t you just see the dollar signs? Well, they may just turn into cold, hard cash — both top-earning actors are in talks about starring together in upcoming action-adventure flick ‘Mr and Mrs Smith’. The movie tells the story of a dreary couple who turn out to be assassins hired to kill one another. Implausible, yes — but an A-list star-studded (box-office beating?) project if Kidman and Pitt both sign up.

From marital murder to Brad’s Morocco machinations — what has driven this lovely leading man from Morocco, where shooting for his latest movie ‘Troy’ (about the legendarily beautiful Helen of) was due to start next month? War and terrorism in the Middle East is the answer, of course. Warner Bros. wasn’t about to risk losing the face that’s launched many a box office bonanza.

And not just a grade-A Hollywood hunk either, is our Brad. No, he’s a bona fide real-life hero too. Jen Aniston’s hubby saved a passing woman from near-certain death, when a speeding sports car jumped the pavement and headed straight for her. "I’m so happy to be alive," said the woman to Brad, "and even happier it was you that saved me!" I’ll bet.

Quite the helpful couple are Brad and Jennifer — just last year Aniston saved a fellow diner at a restaurant from choking.

A less perfect star couple — in some people’s eyes — are J.Lo and Ben Affleck. But not all of you think so: "They’re really in love," says one reader. "I think she likes Ben a lot more than the first two," says another. Gee, let’s hope so.

Yet another star couple in trouble: given the thousands of sensationalist headlines Catherine Zeta-Jones and hubby Michael Douglas have had to endure during their very public wedding snap spat with Hello! Magazine, I’m sure they’re dying to be famous for something else again. Perhaps they will be — they’ve been asked to star together in a West End production of Noel Coward’s brilliant farce ‘Private Lives’. (The $3.2 million reportedly being offered might help them make up their minds.) But wait a second, ‘Private Lives’ is about two couples’ marital disasters while on honeymoon — perhaps this isn’t such a good idea after all. Still, everyone ends up happy in the play.

Hope it’s the same for Cathy and Mike — neither of whose reps will yet confirm whether they’ll actually be accepting the London stage offer.

While offers may be flooding in for Zeta-Jones, they won’t be able to stem the tide of trashy court case chitchat fast enough for her liking. Word is she’s awful worried that her much-talked-about legal problems will count against her with the notoriously uptight Oscar voters — just think Russell Crowe, whom many claim killed his chances of a second Best Actor statuette in a row last year with his manic antics. Zeta-Jones hasn’t quite been brawling, but the court coverage hasn’t exactly been classy either.

In fact, poor Cathy is rumoured to be so worried that she’s hired a top Tinseltown PR firm and splashed out on luxury, private dinners for select Oscar voters. As utterly shameless as that sounds, I just can’t say that it’s unlikely Hollywood behaviour.

And Catherine’s not the only worried one. Seems the Oscar butterflies have afflicted Nicole Kidman too. She’s claimed to be fretting about all the less-than-flattering gossip surrounding her and co-star Jude Law. Stories are flying, but the only undisputed fact is that Law’s wife Sadie Frost was hospitalised briefly for post-natal depression, following the birth of their third child. Suddenly everyone’s speculating wildly that Law and Frost’s marriage is on the skids because man-eating Kidman is having affair with Law.

Fact is, as far as Bitch and Famous can see, all Nicole and Jude have done is star in 'Cold Mountain' together (‘English Patient’ director Anthony Minghella’s latest movie). And that’s the last I’ll be saying of that pie-in-the-sky.

On a lighter Oscar note (not so light if you’re running the gig, I guess), organisers of the career-making ceremony have handled out a stern warning — to rap and movie star Eminem. The wordsmith otherwise known as Marshall Mathers is scheduled to sing the hit Oscar-nominated song ‘Lose Yourself’, from his critically acclaimed movie ‘8 Mile’ — but it damn well better be the radio version!

"This is a show for the family," says ceremony producer Gil Cates. Dare I suggest a solution? Just put him on near the end. Not many small kids are going to sit through the typically four-hours-plus show!

That said, not a word more on the all-consuming Oscars for the rest of this column (perhaps even next week’s too, if I can help myself!).

Something I will gab about is the very weird choice of actors whose names are being bandied about as possible stars to play the man himself in a proposed Ozzy Osbourne biopic. OO’s wife Sharon wants Lala Land’s gift to desktop wallpaper Johnny Depp to play her husband! "He’s a brilliant actor. I have a dream, but I don’t know if he’ll do it," she told The Hollywood Reporter. Of course, she points out that until the film deal is definite, "we won’t be talking to anyone."

One person she should perhaps talk to is Ozzy himself. Seems he’s got other ideas about who should play him — namely, wait for it — Keanu Reeves! Just imagine the King of Wood playing the self-proclaimed Price of F----ing Darkness! Damn, I forgot — I promised two columns ago I’d try to be nicer about Keanu, after his great 'Matrix' pay-cut generosity. It’s just so hard.

Not as hard, though, as waiting until next week’s column to find out why super-director Steven Spielberg has slammed one of Hollywood’s best-loved tricks of the trade, and what really terrifies ‘The Wedding Planner’ heartthrob Matthew McConaughey.

While you’re waiting, though, you can let me know just who you think should play Ozzy — Ben Affleck, perhaps? Now there’s an idea!

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