After that, Reinhardt got out, and he and Paris were then apparently, "shoving each other," according to a TMZ source. Seems unlikely to end well.

Halle Berry has vowed never, ever to remarry, but she's very happy with her man and their young child. And something else she's promising never, ever to do — get plastic surgery. Not that she's taking it easy when it comes to preserving her looks.

"I'm not one of those people who opts for plastic surgery, so my philosophy is to take care of what you have," announces Berry. That's a good attitude, I grant you, but it's a lot easier to take that stance when 'what you have' is some of the world's most freaking awesome looks.

Still, no slacking for Halle: "I'm really serious about my skincare regimen at night. I never ever go to bed — or even nap — with make-up on." Eish.

The chances of my coming home late at night, perhaps ever-so-slightly, um, tipsy, on a night I happen to have worn make-up, and then spending time carefully taking every trace of it off my face... Hmm, let's just say that you wouldn't get rich betting on that happening.

Absolutely zero kudos to Michael Lohan, for finally saying that he's going to stop publicly humiliating his own daughter by selling private phonecalls of hers and her family's.

"I will not release another audiotape about Lindsay," claims Papa Lohan. Most likely because he doesn't have any more.

But, wait, it was all for Linsday's own good. Or, um, to get back at her for making him worry?

"I did it because I wanted Lindsay to know how I felt when I heard that tape. When I get a phone call at two, three, four or five in the morning from my daughter and she's in dire straits, I get very concerned."

Uh, wha-at?!

You released these tapes these tapes because you wanted Lindsay to know that it makes you feel bad? I don't know what to say.

I do know, though, that I'm shocked to discover that, though Johnny Depp has just been awarded People mag's coverted Sexist Man of the Year title, this is only the second time he's ever won it — the last being in 2003.

Surely a terirble oversight on People's part?