Bye-bye, Miss American Pie.

Yes, poor Tara Reid's career has been plummeting ground-wards since those 'American Pie' flicks.

Her partying, however — not so much. Let's just say, Tara is not one to say no to drunkenly dancing on a table. And then there were those surgeries.

I imagine Reid would happily take a scalpel to her plastic surgeon if she could. Botched liposuction has left her with a trim, but disturbingly lumpy stomach, and one of those belly-buttons that seems to be in slightly the wrong place. And her implants are, well, not entirely undetectable.

But, now, Reid is going to be... taking off all her clothes for Playboy.

Me, if I were the unlucky victim of what looks to be the work of poorly-sighted chimpanzee with the DTs, I would stick to dimly light venues and plot my terrible revenge. I sincerely doubt I would volunteer to be photographed completely nude.

That, Tara, is putting an awful lot of faith in Photoshop. I wish you luck.

Lindsay Lohan is going to need a vat-ful of industrial-strength luck to get through this current paternal nightmare without hitting absolute rock bottom.

It defies belief, but Lindsay's dad Michael Lohan is still releasing really private conversations that her family and assistant had about her — some of them years old. And, yes, he still maintains that all this is solely for Lindsay's own benefit.

I mean, hey, public humiliation and betrayal by your own father can't help but make you more emotionally stable and get you off drugs, right?

Oh, and, completely incidentally, Michael Lohan happens to be making a fortune selling these exclusives to a gossip site.

In the most recent round of Papa Lohan's shameless selling-out of his daughter, he released a conversation he and Lindsay's mother Dina had had about her, and their fears that she was headed for disaster.

"I know that it's going to happen," says Dina. "I will feel it's all your fault, that's how I will feel. It's not about me."

Michael's response? "I will feel like it's everyone else's fault."

Seriously, these two make me sick.

And, speaking of fathers who don't like the idea of taking any responsibility for the way their daughter's turned out, and are all too fond of sharing with the tabloids... heeeeeere's Jon Voigt!

Angelina Jolie and her dad Voigt have been estranged for years — primarily because he made insulting, personal comments about her to the media.

But, now, Angie is apparently beginning to reconcile with her father — reportedly due to lots of support and encouragement from Brad.

Not one to learn from his mistakes, though, Voigt decided to mark the détente by... talking about it to the media.

On page two: Pamela Anderson infuriates the paparazzi and Robert Pattinson is totally not dating Megan Fox.

Bitch and Famous Pamela Anderson infuriates the paparazzi and Angelina's father hasn't learnt his lesson.

Fighting the Beast Reality TV star Ruby Gettinger is fighting a real and fierce battle against her weight.

In the Noah Trevor Noah on his one-man gig, never having his family at his shows and his plans for the future.