It's new! It's mega-popular! But is it any good?

Nope, says legendary actress Lauren Bacall, star of classic film 'The Big Sleep' and a Hollywood veteran of more than 60 years.

Now, I haven't seen the hysteria- and swoon-inducing 'Twilight' movie myself, but it looks like a good enough chunk of celluloid. The question is whether you can announce it as the greatest vampire flick ever to walk the earth, without, um, having seen any others.

"Yes, I saw 'Twilight' — my granddaughter made me watch it; she said it was the greatest vampire film ever," laments Bacall.

"After the 'film' was over I wanted to smack her across her head with my shoe, but I do not want a book called 'Grannie Dearest' written on me when I die. So instead I gave her a DVD of Murnau's 1922 masterpiece 'Nosferatu' and told her, 'Now that's a vampire film!'"

"And that goes for all of you! Watch Nosferatu instead!" It's true, you know. I mean, sure, watch 'Twilight' — nothing against it — but 'Nosferatu' is in a class of its own. Just simple black and white footage, no CGI... but you'll be refusing to sleep alone for a week.

While 'Nosferatu' is worth the nightmares, I can't say the same of 'Design Star Hollywood'. The reality show is planning to makeover the homes of... two celebrities. Because who needs $20,000 (almost R160,000) worth of decor for a single room more than the rich and famous?

Look, I'm a big fan of the original 'Beverly Hills, 90210'. (And, yes, that is because I was way too young at the time to release how crap it was.) But I just don't think the permanently pained-looking Jason Priestly and pouffy, hyped-spray-tanned Tiffani Amber Thiessen really, really need an obscene amount of money spent on redoing their delightful LA homes.

I think it's safe to say that I won't be watching the 'Design Star Hollywood' contestants whip up a guest bedroom for Thiessen and a new nursery for Priestly.

On the other hand, if it were a choice between that and having to endure the renewed acting attempts of Ashley Olsen... I believe I'd be welcoming that reality design show with open arms.

But why the change of heart? Isn't the little Olsen loving the clothes life? To my infinite surprise, Ashley reveals that people in the fashion world aren't really, er, all that nice.

"Everyone is just really looking out for themselves," says Olsen — who apparently didn't pick up on this before she set her sights on becoming part of the nastiest game in town.