Poor Robert Pattinson just can't get bitten.

Although the 'Twilight' star is so beset with fans that he got hit by a taxi in New York a little while ago trying to get away from them, he can't find a real date.

"I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know why. You always think you're going to get more girls after you've made a movie and it never happens," admits the object of a million teenage fantasies.

"You sit there and you're like, 'I'm a big movie star and I want to go out with some models,' but I don't know why that doesn't happen."

I think I may have an inkling as to why you're single, Robert.

How about asking, you know, one model out on a date? Even beautiful women kind of like to be a bit more than just a hot backdrop for a filmstar. (Not that there aren't plenty of people who'll sell themselves out to get near a celebrity. It's just that they might not make the best girlfriends.)

"It's especially different in LA," continues the world's most sought-after vampire.

"Most of the women there are actresses and by default that makes them a little bit nuts — not that that's a bad thing." Nice quick back-peddling, Rob! "But I don't really have a type. Whenever I get asked who my favourite celebrity crush is, I have no idea."

Well, good luck with the search. I'm sure your singleness is nothing some determined emo pouting can't remedy.

A few good red-carpet pouts and a little punting were all the producers of 'Pledge This!' wanted from the star of their 'movie', but they claim that Paris Hilton, like, totally failed to deliver.

Thing is, the trial isn't going super well for them. "Any causal connection between Ms Hilton's alleged breaches and the financial ruin of the film are wholly speculative," remarked the judge, who's given them a few weeks to produce, you know, actual evidence for their case.

The heiress claims she did all she could. Okay, that's probably false, since she seemed — wisely enough — to want to disavow all connection with the film. But that pile of bilge was headed for the bottom of the bargain bin, regardless. Possibly even beneath the bin.

You know you're screwed when the judge himself comments that your flick was, "hardly destined for critical acclaim".

I'd suggest you watch the film and make up your own mind, but I care about you, dear reader. Encouraging you actually to watch it would be equivalent to suggesting you rush up to the roof of your nearest 50-storey building and jump off it, just in case you might be able to fly.

So, to be clear: (1) Do not jump off any buildings. (2) Do not under any circumstances watch that movie.

And I'm afraid I'm sticking with the disasters, this column.

Robin Wright Penn has yet again... reunited with/filed for divorce from Sean Penn.

This time, however, it looks as if there'll be no big reconciliation in a couple of months time. The first divorce papers were filed at the end of 2007, and dismissed four months later. Then they filed for legal separation in April, and withdrew that request in May.