The trio of 'Spider Man' movies might not be high art, but they've all been slick, and pretty smart, fun that's captivated a wide audience.

The latest Spidey outing. seems a little more questionable.

Fans get antsy when their beloved comic books are turned into movies. And with good reason. Some of the big-screen's worst travesties involve beloved super-heroes. Who can forget the sheer horror that was 'Batman and Robin'. Quite possibly the low point of Arnold Schwarzenegger's cinematic career, and that despite some very stiff competition.

So, I feel for 'Spider-Man' lovers everywhere when I hear that the arachnid crime-fighter is set to debut early next year on Broadway, in 'Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark'. I'm just surprised there's no exclamation-mark at the end of that title.

Despite rumours of money problems bedeviling the production, producers insist that Spidey will be donning his famous red and blue suit, and taking to the New York stage as planned. The defender of good will get to sing his heart out, with songs by U2's Bono and The Edge, amongst others. Shudder.

Call me a musical conservative, but I rather think they should stick to making all-singing, all-dancing extravaganzas out of 'The Little Mermaid' and 'Mary Poppins'.

And, speaking of genuinely awful ideas. it's been a while since I've mentioned that emblem of all that's wrong with modern consumerist culture — the tabloids' favourite heiress, Paris Hilton.

Most recently, Hilton has debased what remaining glimmers of humanity she might have had by spending a soul-emptying $325,000 (that's well over R2.6 million) on building her dogs a kennel. A kennel featuring crystal chandeliers and a miniture wrought-iron staircase, with air-conned bedrooms and lounge.

"I wanted it to be fun, cute, comfortable and beautiful. My friends just love it and think it's so adorable and cool," Paris enthuses to Life & Style magazine.

I'm thinking that her friends, like the bubble-headed one herself, have no conception whatever of just how grotesque it is to drop that kind of money on a dog-house when there are kids, you know, like, dying because their parents can't afford so much as a bowl of maize to feed them.

Also, the parents are dying, too.

Hmm — this kind of makes me think that I should put my order for that R400,000 diamond-studded crocodile-skin Birkin bag on hold (Oh, Ashley Olsen, you just keep on sucking!).

Instead, I'll donate the money to a charity helping those desparately in need of education. I'm ear-marking the money for Paris.