There's no faux pas like a celebrity faux pas!

It sure does suck to be squarely in the public eye when you ram that foot into your mouth. I rather feel for stars who make a slip of the tongue and then spend weeks being trashed in the tabloids for it.

But, occasionally, a celeb says something truly unworthy of sympathy — something that's not really even a faux pas; something that's headed straight for WTF?! territory. The latest star to skip the tact and bust out with the crazy... Rupert Everett.

Rupe shared some unique thoughts on female attractiveness and the helpfulness of death.

"If I had the choice of being on a desert island with Jordan or Gwyneth Paltrow," Everett tells the UK's Daily Mirror, "I would choose Jordan."

Okay, yes, I think just about everyone's love-o'-Gwynnie has taken a hit with that bloody awful website of hers (Goop.com) — I know mine has. Could it be more self-contradictorally consumerist? Could it be more lame-ass crystals and bean sprouts? Not easily. But Jordan? Reeeally, Rupert?

Well, apparently, "With Jordan you get the truth. She's treated like a quasi-hooker, whereas Gwyneth is seen as the patron saint of good living. Which one has more integrity? I would much rather have Jordan any day."

Um, how do I put this delicately? The reason Jordan's treated that way is that she, uh, is basically a quasi-hooker. It's one of the hazards of inflating your breasts to the size of party balloons, dressing as if it's WWIII and they're rationing fabric again, and wearing more make-up than the cast of Cats.

Undaunted, though, the opinion-stocked Mr Everett isn't shy to offer up his view of Michael Jackson's death, either.

"He personified the pain and anxiety of a black man in a slave country. We all watched as he changed form black to white. He was living performance art. " Wha-at? What the blazers is 'a slave country'? Sure, there's plenty of racial inequality and tension in the US, but it's hardly lacking in Rupert's native UK. Britain only beat America in abolishing slavery by a few decades.

And I'm thinking that Jackson's obsessive attempts to remake his face could, just possibly, be more the product of the relentless, violent child abuse he grew up with.

But it gets worse...

"I think it was fortuitous that he died," Everett blithely continues. "He was supposed to be doing 50 concerts in London. It wouldn't have mattered how good or bad he was. He wouldn't have managed to do all of them and the press would have destroyed him."

Ja, it's not as if he'd dealt with bad press in the past. Death was obviously the preferable alternative. Seriously.

Enough of that lunacy. Let's turn to the ever-present Megan Fox. She's everywhere at the moment, and she's getting kinda mad that she's not being universally hailed as the younger, better Angelina Jolie. Trouble is, scant as Jolie's acting talents are, she still hopelessly out-classes Megan on that score.

But perhaps it's just that we haven't seen Fox in a movie that's let her real ability shine through. So, let's settle this once and for all! Someone give Megan a paper bag and we'll see if she can act her way out of it.

My money's on the bag.

Hasn't stopped the confidence-replete Fox reportedly turn down a 'Bond' girl role alongside Daniel Craig in his next outing as the super-spy.