We kick off with some Tinseltown love, and little lack thereof, too.

A dash of happy first: Jon Bon Jovi isn't just the 'Bon Jovi' in Bon Jovi, a father of four, and the owner of an awesome head of hair — he's also, as of this week, a member of perhaps the most exclusive of all star clubs.

That's the club of famous people with successful marriages.

Jon Bon has now been married for a staggering 25 years, and all of those to the same person — his high-school sweetheart Dorothea Hurley.

No such luck for another long-term celeb romance. Two-actor duo Sean Penn and Robin Wright look to be revisiting the break-up thing.

They were set to divorce two years ago, but reconciled. Then Sean Penn won that Best Actor Oscar and didn't thank his wife in his acceptance speech...

I remember that I kept waiting for it, but the 'thank you' never came. Still, I just assumed it'd slipped his mind in all the excitement. Apparently not. Penn's reportedly just filed papers to legally separate from Wright.

I've always had kind of a soft-spot for those two. Sean seems kind of wild, but they look like a great match — and they've got two children, 18 and 15, and have been married for 13 years, as well as being together for years before that.

Things look doubtful, now — second split's never a good sign — but here's hoping.

Oddly enough, I don't really have the same soft-spot for Mel Gibson's marriage. I can't say it pains me terribly to see it go. In fact, if you'll forgive me for saying so, I can't help thinking that wife-o'-Mel, Robyn, is well rid of old Sugar Tits.

Why Sugar Tits, you ask? Sadly, I can't lay claim to giving the 'Lethal Weapon' star the fitting nickname. It's a few celeb blogs that have taken to calling him that — and the moniker is much deserved.

Think back... remember that time three years ago when you were really, really drunk and, naturally, you decided that the smart thing to do would be to drive around while pissed. Then the police pulled you over, and you started denouncing Jews as the root of all world evil. I mean, who doesn't find themselves in the midst of a crazed, anti-Semitic rant after a few beers!

Oh, wait — that wasn't you. It was Mel Gibson.

And then Mel sealed his place in ignominy by referring to one of his arresting officers as Sugar Tits. I knew something was missing! A little misogyny to round out the evening.

So that's how Mel got to be known as Sugar Tits. And, a month later, he and his long-suffering wife, mother of his seven children, were living apart.

Not that the 53-year-old 'Passion of the Christ' director has been languishing entirely on his own. This week he debuted the newer, younger woman in his life — a 39-year-old singer/composer, Oksana Grigorieva, who's, quite incidentally, signed to Gibson's own record label.

The venue for the grand, new-girlf unveiling? The 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine' premiere in LA. Classy.

Word is that Mel's kids have all but disowned him. I guess they just can't handle all that awesome stuffed into one man.

Segueing over to what it is that most of the rich and famous of LaLa Land do for a living — namely, movies — rumour has it that Michael Douglas is all signed on for take-two of his role in the late-'80s classic 'Wall Street'.

And not only is Catherine Zeta-Jone's hubby on board — the original flick's director, Oliver Stone, is reportedly ready to take the reins again, with filming beginning just a month or two from now.

Seems it's the current massive US economic crisis that's got a sequel to the commentary on corporate greed greenlighed. It's just a pity it took, you know, the biggest recession since the Great Depression to prompt this re-examination of the wisdom of worshiping at the foot of Mamon.

Not to be out-done by her man, Catherine Z-J is apparently planning a project of her own.

CZ-J is said to be dead keen on playing Susan Boyle in a biopic about the middle-aged woman from a quiet English town who found massive insta-fame on the UK show 'Britain's Got Talent'.

At her audition, the judges assumed that her homely looks and unfortunate wardrobe would be matched by a lacklustre performance. Then she stunned them with a stellar singing voice, which prompted a bunch of insulting compliments along the lines of: "Wow, you look so crap that we expected you to be crap, but you sing well."

And Susan's just exploded. She's the new darling of every underdog-lover, and the YouTube clips of her audition have collectively been viewed a mind-boggling 100 million times now.

It really is pretty heartwarming stuff. I can see why Zeta-J is so keen to get in on the action that she's reportedly trying to buy the rights to Boyle's life story. But she'll have some competition. The talent show's producers say they've got tons of requests already, "for movie deals and for stories of her life", according to an insider.