Champagne, limos, red carpets... and chest waxing. Hollywood stardom has both its perks, and its quirks.

Ashton Kutcher is just 'some guy who used to be on 'That '70s Show' and then married Demi Moore'. He's also a full-on, hard-core actor. So, er, hard-core, in fact, that he braved the horror of waxing.

It turned out that the body-double for his new flick 'Five Killers' had completely waxed his chest, forcing a very reluctant Kutcher to follow suit.

Precious little fun for Ashton — lots of amusement for you. Kutcher filmed the ordeal for website FunnyOrDie.com (the same people who brought you such gems as Paris Hilton's fake presidential campaign TV ad).

"I feel like I'm having a child. This is awful," said Ashton during the waxing procedure.

I can only assume that the man believes his youthful good looks will prevent mothers everywhere for cursing his irreverence for child-birth, which I have on good authority is beyond absolutely staggeringly painful! (But, um, totally awesome and a magical experience, I assure you, dear reader, should you be about to bring your own wee one into this world.)

Want to see the '40-year-old Virgin'-style waxing experience for yourself?

If you think that's a whole lot of melodrama, then you can't have been following the torturous ins and outs of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson's break up this week. And who can blame you.

There've been so many accusations, counter-accusations, and confusing and conflicting stories that it's utterly impossible to get anywhere near the truth of what happened.

And, inevitably, the Lohan family has weighed in on things. Because heaven forbid a single personal tragedy in Lindsay's life go by without one or more of her close relatives commenting on it, at length, to a tabloid.

That said, Linds herself was one of those talking to the tabs. Those tabs she, uh, totally hates.

But, first up, Lindsay's grandmother, who wants to help her over the break-up.

"We'd all like to reach out to her. We're all here for her and we'd love to see her. Me, as a grandmother, I'd like to try and help her out, but she's not here [Long Island, New York], she's in LA," the perceptive Marilyn tells her granddaughter — er, I mean People magazine.

"I think she needs her family in her life, but they're not. They should be. I haven't seen her in over a year. I don't know what happened. I'm heartbroken."

Funny, because just about everyone who should be the position of caregiver in Lindsay's life is totally mystified as to what they could possibly have done wrong. Personal responsibility is no hallmark of the Lohan clan.

Plus, given that Granny is at least partially the source of the nightmare that is Lohan's dad Michael, I'm hardly convinced of her parenting/grandparenting skills.

Still, she of course, feels obliged to give advice and offer her incisive analysis of Linds' life. Ditto Lindsay's useless, convicted-fraudster-turned-religious-zealot father.

"Break-ups are never pretty and they're never easy. I'm here for Lindsay any time. I've cleared my schedule to go meet her in LA," the selfless Michael tells TV show Extra. Because nothing says concern with your kid's welfare that talking publicly about her personal life — all the time.

"It’s about time she had both parents with her, without Dina driving a wedge between us."

Yes, one of the best things you can do for your children after divorcing their other parent is to trash-talk them to the media.

Aaaaand then we have Lindsay herself — speaking to America's Us Weekly mag.

The break-up with Ronson came to a head when Lindsay was reportedly prevented from entering a party for Sam Ronson's sister Charlotte, at celeb-favourite Hollywood hotel Chateau Marmont, where Samanatha was DJing.

Cue that Lohan taking-responsibility thing: "I only walked in there because this guy who I thought was my friend said Samantha wanted to speak to me. I walk in, and she's in the bathroom crying and someone's standing in front of the door."

"They asked me to leave," claims Lindsay. "When I was leaving, [Sam's] friend starts screaming: 'Get the f..k out of here.' And then Nicole Richie walks past and goes: 'Uck,' and I don't know what I've ever done to her."

"[I feel] so alone. Everyone's turned on me. I'm a f..king 22-year-old girl who's in love," Lohan laments. "I'm not a bad person and this is what happens. I was raised to treat people well, and I'm so tired of this drama."

Um...

She's also disavowed those Twitter messages posted that night accusing Samantha of cheating, claiming that someone hacked into her account and sent them.

Notwithstanding all Lindsay's evident faults and troubles, though, at least the poor girl is trying — I hope — and I can't help but feel for her.

No wild past even, for model Elle MacPherson, who's all nice, neat suburban life now — but I really don't have much love for the woman. It's hard to, when her idea of cutting back is, well, trading in one expensive car for another slightly less expensive one.

According to MacPherson, she's "been consumer conscious for a while." What, she's been conscious that there are people who consume things? Ooh, I have a feeling there's an economics degree she's not telling us about!