They're engaged! Or, wait... broken up! Married! They fell off a cliff!

You have no idea how tough it is trying to be an even vaguely responsible gossip columnist.

How could I live with myself if I misled you, dear readers, into thinking that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer's unfortunate love was blossoming, when in reality it was plummeting downward through the stratosphere like a shuttle re-entry vehicle without its protective ceramic tiles?

So, I hope you'll forgive me if I report this latest Maniston news with a touch of trepidation. Still, I'm going to feel the fear and do it anyway.

The latest rumours have it that Mayer is currently engagement-ring shopping, and planning to present Jen with a vintage 18-carat sparkler.

"Money is no object for John," says an insider. Ja, well, it would have to be if he's shopping in the 18-frikking-carat range.

"He is creating a vintage-style classic ring for Jen. He's looking at an 18-carat flawless diamond. When he does get down on one knee, he wants to be completely sure he gets the right answer"

"He knows a ring like that would be difficult to refuse. He's just waiting for the most romantic setting to put the ring on her finger — busy schedules permitting."

Wait, he wants the ring to be hard to refuse? Oh, right, he's John Mayer. How quickly I forget.

I'm torn. I do so like the pooky-faced little Aniston — and she seems to like that crooning ball of stupid. But, then again, he's... well, a ball of stupid. Each to their own, though, I guess. Even if their own is crap.

Speaking of which — we just haven't heard enough of the chronically co-star-scoring Sienna Miller lately, have we? What has the 'Factory Girl' been up to lately?

She's been running about amongst exploding stuff, for the sake of her parents.

"I felt it was time to do something where I wasn't having a breakdown or playing a heroin addict or dying in the end; something that was just maybe really great fun," explains Miller.

"And something people go to see and actually had a great time seeing it and weren't left damaged." I don't know — I kind of liked those roles for you, Sienna.

"My parents were also like: 'Please just stop doing these films, you're killing us!'" So, Miller made like the dutiful daughter and got a part in 'G.I. Joe'.

"'G. I. Joe' was a huge budget and a huge crew with things blowing up all around you all the time," says Britain's most photographed wearer of tights-as-pants.

But it's not been all stuff going boom. Sienna's also been living the quiet country life with fellow UK starlet Kiera Knightley out in rural Wales, where they shot the Dylan Thomas biopic 'Edge of Love'.

No wildly corrupting the Welsh, oddly enough.

"I mean, we're quite nerdy," Sienna recently claimed of their time working on the movie. "We talk about books and we play cards and do The Guardian crossword. We were living together in this house in Wales that was really beautiful and we all sort of walked around in our pyjamas and went for long walks."

Over the pond to Sarah Michelle Gellar, who got married young (to former Rom-com King Freddie Prinze Jr) and has never so much as thrown up on a paparazzo.

And the good news is that SMG is back on the wee screen soon. Six years post-'Buffy', she's set to star in a new comedy called 'The Wonderful Maladys', about a couple of odd New York City siblings who've lost their parents.

Man, but I hope it doesn't suck. Not like 'Buffy'-creator Joss Whedon's new show 'Dollhouse'. Because, bloody hell does that bite. Frankly, the dialogue on that series is to writing what 'South Park' is to animation.

Skipping back to the 'romantic relationships I totally can't keep up with and which are, like, totally confusing me and stuff' — looks as if FoxBag are back on.

'Transformers' totty Megan Fox and her 'Terminator' man Brian Austin Green aren't just reportedly back together. The talk is that they never actually split up in the first place — though the status of their engagement is unclear at this critical juncture.

"They didn't break up. They hit a rough patch." This according to an In Touch Weekly source.

"These two are very much in love and plan to be together for a long time. They decided to enter counselling in hopes of staying together. It was a mutual decision. Lots of couples go to therapy together, and they are committed to try and make it work."