You know what's weird? When you're a teenage girl, you really like this young, hot actor and you stick pictures of him up on your bedroom wall. And then he turns out to be your mother's boyfriend.

Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' daughter Rumer got to have this magical life experience when Demi first started dating Ashton Kutcher. "It was strange when mum, who is 15 years older than Ashton, started seeing him [back in 2003]. I was 15 and he was a heart-throb to me — I had pictures of him on my wall!" Rumer Willis recently told the UK edition of Cosmopolitan.

"I remember mum saying her new 'friend' was going to hang out with us. I said: 'What's his name?' and she said: 'It's Ashton'. And I said: 'Whoa — Ashton Kutcher?' I freaked out a bit and blushed." Understandable.

But then everyone lived happily ever after... "I realised I'd never seen my mum happier. It was like watching two sixteen-year-olds going to the prom."

It's a classic love story, really: Botoxed-to-Hell actress seeks comeback; marries up-and-coming golden boy fresh off retro sitcom hit.

Sad to say, though, Tinseltown may not always be the ideal environment for, well, life. Brit actress-turned-Hollywood movie star Kate Beckinsale spent years of her youth dutifully enriching her mind, but, oddly enough, Lala-Land hasn't turned out to be the best place for continued intellectual greatness. From the hallowed halls of Oxford University, where she studied Russian... to the salon where she has her, uh, special area waxed, and occasionally gets to use that fiendishly expensive education.

"Now I only speak Russian with the woman who does my bikini wax," admits Kate. "See what Hollywood does to you."

Or what you do to Hollywood — namely, help the average star-IQ plunge to eye-watering new lows. Not Beckinsale, though, so much as Biel. Poor Jessica Biel proved unable to pick out one of the single largest landmarks in London, while in the city filming for her latest flick 'Easy Virtue'.

Happily, her director was more than happy to share the embarrassing anecdote with the world. "We were staying in a hotel waiting for a writer and I suggested we go for a walk in the park," explains director Stephan Elliot. "There in Hyde Park was this little Ferris wheel that they just put up for a little funfair, but Jessica goes: 'Oh, it's the London Eye. I thought it would be a bit bigger.'"

"She had no f..king idea whatsoever."

Come on, Stephan — it's tough sometimes... you know, to be able to tell one of the tallest Ferris wheels in the world - and one directly next to the Thames — from a little funfair ride in the middle of a park. Hey, did you know that Jess is dating Justin Timberlake, and it's, like, going really well and stuff. Ja, let's just focus on that, then, shall we?

Or, we could distract ourselves speculating as to what will be in Serena Williams' forthcoming memoirs. It seems that there will be at least $1.3-million-worth (nigh on R11-million) of the tennis ace's musings in the tome — that being the price her autobiography reportedly sold for to Grand Central Publishing.

I can see the opening now: "Thwack. Thwack. Thwack!" Even better, the publishers promise us that: "Serena will give her memoir a strong motivational slant." Who can wait?

Also uber-motivating — Jennifer Lopez and all the amazing things she manages to get done. Not only did she run a marathon, she also pulled off a lavish 40th birthday party for her hubby Marc Anthony on the very same day. How does she do it?

Marc kept asking: "'What are we gonna do for my birthday?'" Lopez tells us. "I told him it was such a busy weekend that I might not be able to do anything." But — surprise! — she threw a 1940s Cuban bash at a upmarket New York hotel just hours after her run. "I can't believe we pulled it off," gushes Lopez. "He was so blown away." She is a wonder, that J.Lo.

Her and the, er, party planner, Liberty Woodman — who, like, actually planned the party. Close enough.

Somewhat closer to planet earth is Gwyneth Paltrow, who lives a little more like us poor mortals. She too has to exercise her arse off, or face the dreaded flab. So far, so plebian. Of course, we ordinary folk don't typically jaunt around Spain with our celebrity chef pal making a cooking show...

"I just cannot diet," says Gwynie. "I think maybe it's the idea that you can't have something ... I just can't do it." Enter exercise: "It's worth it to me to do that extra exercise so I can eat what I want and not think about it."

And there's been plenty of good eating lately. Paltrow's just filmed the show 'Spain... On the Road Again' with star chef Mario Batali. "The Gwyneth you see in Spain is the real Gwyneth," says Mario. "Funny, and likes her food." Hollywood heresy!

Sticking with celeb chefs — the notorious Gordon Ramsay just got into trouble with UK broadcasting officials over his killing and skinning puffins — before dishing up their hearts — while on location in Iceland filming for his aptly-titled series 'The F Word'. But he was cleared, since puffins aren't actually a protected species up in Iceland.

Strangely enough, though, the man who swears so much he could make a sailor cringe, and appears to have precious little love for animals or people — especially when either is in his kitchen — does seem to be rather fond of Victoria Beckham. In fact, Gordon sounds positively and uncharacteristically jolly about the prospect of opening a new restaurant in California with Posh Spice.

"Yes, it is true that Victoria and I are setting up a restaurant in LA together. I'm really excited," enthuses Ramsay. "She's really keen to focus on a traditional English-style menu, like bangers and mash, fish and chips and such like." So, Vic's coming up with the menu — and Gordon's designing the staff uniforms?

Perhaps former 'O.C.' star Mischa Barton should try her hand at the Victoria Beckham thing, and go from socialite celeb to newly-minted star designer.

Posh's collection garnered all the praise her singing never did at its recent New York Fashion Week debut. Mischa, though, has apparently only been covering herself in shame — with a play from the Lohan book of dire-celeb-flirting.

Bumping into fellow thespian Josh Hartnett in a London club recently might have seemed like a stroke of luck for Barton. Not so much, really — according to onlookers. "Josh looked pretty bored and was totally ignoring Mischa," says a source. "She persisted, though, and kept getting closer and closer to their table while dancing provocatively." Eina.

Mischa did reportedly get to head back to Josh's hotel with him after this captivating display, but just an hour later the paparazzi snapped her on her way home.

No, you never are too thin, beautiful or famous for rejection. I imagine actually being Barton does kind of ease the blow, though.

More celeb pathos and poignancy — in next week's Bitch and Famous!