Also in the food line… people bringing in full take-away meals to the cinema. Sure, most people have probably snuck in a bag of sweets or chips to the movies at some stage or another (the prices at the snack stand are insane). I'm down with that. But it is not cool to rock up at the cinema with a Big Mac McMeal, a regular Debonairs sub, a box of Nando's chicken wings and a wrap from Kauai. Largely because it makes me hungry. But it's also messy and inconsiderate.

And then bringing alcohol into the cinema? What are you, fifteen?

But Moooooooom…

You've all seen those adverts on DVD rentals, right? The 'Age restrictions are there for a reason' ads. Those ads imply that the age restriction is there to stop your precious angel from being traumatised by the movie. Fair enough. Age restrictions are also there to ensure that your little darling doesn't drive fellow moviegoers mad.

No, I don't have kids. But if I did have kids, I wouldn't be hiding them behind pillars at the cinema so that I can buy tickets to age inappropriate movies. The 'PG' label is applied too loosely, in my opinion. Young kids who go to see movies which are not appropriate for their age generally end up restless and whiny. Leave them at home. Or wait for the DVD.

Excuse me, excuse me, sorry

I know that nature calls. And I know that it sometimes calls very, very loudly. But if you know that you have an extremely teeny bladder and insist on ordering the supersized Coke on offer, then do us all a favour and book a seat near the aisle. Seriously. Don't insist on squeezing past your fellow viewers more than you have to. And if you do have to get up and go for any reason at all, do it quickly and considerately. I'll appreciate an apology after you kick over my popcorn and put a foot in my handbag, thank you.

Kick my seat and die

I have one simple policy when watching movies. Kick my seat and die. A while back I went to see 'Fame' (which had a PG rating with a language warning). As is my habit, I went into the cinema a bit earlier than other patrons so that I could claim my seat in comfort. A group of people took their seats behind me, and while they settled there was a fair amount of jostling and bumping. Then the kicking started. A bored 'tap, tap, tap' on the back of my seat. I clenched my fists. Only a few minutes in, and somebody grabbed onto the back of my seat to pull themselves up, presumably to go to the bathroom. When they came back, the person whacked me in the side of the head. I turned around and let loose with a phrase my mother would be ashamed to hear from my mouth… and came face to face with a grinning kid about five years old. Seriously?

So yes, while I am quite possibly more highly strung than most people, I also guarantee you that these things also grate somebody else's carrot too. So take a moment. Think about what you're doing. Put the cellphone down and step away from the crinkly wrapper. Then I'm sure we'll all get along.