On to another former child-star with a weight problem: Ashley Olsen. And Lance Armstrong (sorry, it was just too bizarre putting those two names in the same sentence). Yip, in 2007 half of the AshleyandMary-Kate power duo hooked up with the seven-time Tour de France winner. Did I mention the fifteen-year age gap? How about his three children? Words fail me…

Just plain creepy…

The idea of Michael Jackson hooking up with anyone is pretty creepy. Women? Creepy. Men? Creepy. Young boys? Creepy. I prefer to think of him as an asexual mutant being from another planet. On paper the idea of the Kind of Pop marrying the daughter of the King of Rock works…well, sort of. But when they actually do it (in the Dominican Republic in 1994) you are forced to think about uncomfortable issues like consummation…

Some months into the happy union, Michael Jackson declared: "Just think…nobody thought this would last". Everybody else was right, it didn't. After an uncomfortable 20 months, the natural order of things was restored. And Lisa-Marie Presley's take on the marriage? "Holy mother of God. It was insane."

Speaking of creepy: Woody Allen. The idea of the veteran director hooking up with any attractive female (and there have been quite a few) is a little disturbing, but no where near as disturbing as the story of Woody and his wife Soon-Yi Previn.

Here it is in a nutshell: Mia Farrow adopts an eight-year-old Korean girl with her conductor husband Andre Previn; Mia gets divorced; Mia dates Woody for over a decade; they have and adopt kids; Mia finds pictures of a naked Soon-Yi (now 21) in Woody's apartment; things go pear-shaped.

If you can get past the gross-factor (and 35-year age gap), you might like the happily-ever-after ending — Woody and Soon-Yi, who started dating in 1991, married in 1997 and adopted two daughters. The oldest should be 21 in 2019…

Another successful relationship which shouts paedophile is that between Céline Dion and her manager hubby René Angélil. In 1968 Céline Dion was born. So was René Angélil's first child. When both kids were 12, Céline sent her demo tape to Angélil. He liked it. He made her a superstar. In 1994 they got married.

Shall we just leave it at that? I'm struggling to find a straight line from points A to B. All attempts seem to take a detour past the letters P-A-E-D-O-P-H-I-L-E…

Can you think of any weird, creepy or downright disturbing Hollywood hook-ups? Share them below!